Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream.

This morning I woke up so refreshed and excited for the day...that was my first clue. I was pleasantly suprised to be awake well before my alarm went off...that was my next clue. I noted that it was a bright, sunny day...that was the final clue...that's when I started to get nervous. Then I grabbed my phone to see what time it was. That's when I started freaking out. Yes, yes I had slept through my alarm! But not by a few minutes...or an hour...no, that would have been recoverable. I slept through my alarm by two and a half hours! It was 9:30!!
I was so proud of myself though - I woke up at 9:30 and I clocked in at work at exactly 9:47. That's right...I have super powers...very deeply hidden, untapped, unreachable, unbelievable super powers. But the best part of the morning was not the extra two hours of sleep, or the confidence-boosting discovery of my super human abilities - it was the fact that as late as I was...I STILL beat my boss to work. Phew! That was close.
Pretty sure I have officially crossed into the realm of 'I need seventy billion alarm clocks to make sure I don't sleep through them'. Maybe I'll get a dog...then it will lick my late morning sleep addiction away. Except, how do you turn off a dog on holidays and weekends?

Monday, December 14, 2009

Scripture Slut

Yes, I have to admit it, I am a scripture slut. What the crap is a scripture slut you may be thinking. Well, let me enlighten you. I will have to give you some history though.

On my mission I apparently had a hot love affair with one of the elders - we shall call him Elder Untouchable. I WISH I could remember it - man, if my life had a forbidden love scene in it, I would at least like to remember it...probably will be the only one I get. Anyway, I came home...completely unaware that my mission was an epic love saga of rumors about me and Elder Untouchable. At Elder Untouchable's homecoming, another elder from the mission asked if he could clarify something he had heard about this love scandal. I said sure. This is the story he proceeded to tell me:
It was late one evening and I was at the mission office helping Elder Untouchable. President walked in and saw me sitting in a chair, Elder Untouchable standing over me ... and there was a bright lamp directly above us. Our companions were nowhere to be seen. President forthwith banned us from ever serving in the same zone again!

I still don't think I've recovered from falling off my chair laughing when he told me this. Uh, yeah...really? I must say though, whoever was the instigator of this ridiculous rumor - kudos to them for going to such painstaking effort to add the finite detail of the lamp directly above us. That's classic. Oh, and my one question would be...President could see us. Where the heck were our companions?

Anyway, moving on. I was on the phone with Elder Untouchable some time later and he told me a few more rumors (I will spare you since none of them were nearly as fantastic as the lamp story) but then he told me that apparently, during my second transfer, my companion told President in her interview that Elder Untouchable and I were, and I quote, 'Scripture Dating'. I still, and probably never will, have ANY idea what the heck scripture dating is! Scripture dating!?! Seriously!?! Oh man, that's good.

Well, when I was sharing these wonderful adventures that I never had with Jessica and Manders the other night, Jess said 'You scripture slut'. I think I am going to make me a shirt that says that. 'Proud to be a scripture slut'.

P.S. Our epic love saga ended tragically. He came home rather uneventfully and got married to someone he never even scripture dated! And now they have a beautiful little baby. Somehow I feel like I should have some battle scars or at least some memories or something...but I guess our love affair just didn't go that deep.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

I can read, I can read, I can read!

Okay, so I have officially been home from my mission for 2 years, 3 months, 19 days, 1 hour and 12 minutes...well, I'm not sure if it's EXACTLY 12 minutes, it might only be 11 minutes and 37 seconds...but 12 is a rough estimate. Anyway, in these long years since the good old days in Philly, I have become extremely successful - extremely successful at forgetting my mission language that is.

Of course I still speak Spanish and due to some exciting events at work recently, the cat's out of the bag - all the Spanish people at work know that I speak their idioma. BUT I don't study in Spanish, I don't read in Spanish, heck - I don't even pray in Spanish. So to combat this horrible tragedy, I decided to start reading fiction books in Spanish. So far I have read...well, I DECIDED I was going to read already...that doesn't mean I've actually READ anything. I went to the store yesterday to pick up my first book. There was a riveting selection - Catholic religious books, five billion copies of La Santa Biblia, Twilight and two bodice rippers. Need I say that I didn't buy a book?

But...the whole point of this is to say that I realized there are benefits to paying an arm, leg, and a first born child to Provo city in taxes. I get a library card...for FREE! After work tonight (assuming that time will ever come) I am on my way to the library to show off my photo I.D. and get a library card! Then I will have absolutely no excuse for not reading in Spanish.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Disengaging My Brain

I am on a conference call at work right now. I have been for the past 50 minutes and it doesn't feel like it's going to be ending any time soon. We are talking with a soon-to-be partner about an account that I am supposed to be the top dog for. And ironically enough, I honestly have no idea what these people are talking about. My boss and the two guys from the other place are going back and forth in a language I am not fluent in - in fact, I don't think I know that language at all! And it's worse because their lulling, foreign-language-speaking voices are putting me to sleep. This phone call definitely falls into the category of "That's an hour of my life I'll never get back!"

Friday, October 30, 2009

I Finally Look Like I Feel

So today is the day...everyone at work is dressed up for Halloween. Well, the cool people are anyway. :) And I tell you, there are some pretty dang funny costumes. Let me share some with you.
We have your usual number of pirates, skanky dressed girls, witches and dead people. We also have several department themes going on: We have the entire Lord of the Rings cast (complete with an Ent...made from real bark; the guy's like totally a tree!), M&M's, and everyone from Alice in Wonderland. We also have Nascar drivers, some creepy clown people and a few flappers. There is a cavewoman, SuperWoman and how could I forget? Nacho Libre! But my personal favorite would have to be:
Over in Accounts Payable we have an outhouse...Yes, seriously, an outhouse. And if you open her door, you can see the toilet seat and some nice, fluffy toilet paper. She looks so good you'd be tempted to use her...well, if you were in to the whole back woods porta-potty thing instead of the nice, flush toilets down the hall. Oh, but it gets SO much better - her assistant...yeah, well...she's the poop - complete with flies. Oh man do they look hilarious!! I wish I were that creative! I am simply wearing pajamas with my pants tucked into my black socks and my white slippers. And on top of it all is an almost full length, blue, zip-up robe/mumu that I inherited when my Grandmother passed away last year. I ratted my hair and pulled a little bit of it into a messy ponytail with a rad HUGE funky colored scrunchy. And I made sure to put some super dark eyeshadow under my eyes...but the best is the sign on my back: "I finally look like I feel." Should've been an outhouse...that would have been way cooler!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Beware the Bushes

My friend Alaina sent me a text message the other night. She said, and I quote, 'Maybe I shouldn't go on walks alone anymore.' I was already spending the evening with a good friend because her car had been towed and she was having a little melt down. So being keyed to disaster, this text did NOT make me very happy - in fact, I kind of freaked out a little bit. I called Alaina IMMEDIATELY to see what had happened. I was picturing her horrific story about being raped, murdered...okay, well not murdered, but otherwise seriously tortured on her pleasant evening stroll. In an effort to calm my nerves she told me the following story...I hope you find it as entertaining as I did!

She decided to go on an evening walk around the neighborhood. The cul-de-sac just down the street and around the corner happens to be where her romantic interest of the moment lives. So she naturally went walking that direction. Well, as she came to the bottom of the street, she noticed some people pulling into the driveway of said romantic interest. In fear of being seen, she hid in the playground of a nearby park. She waited, and waited, and waited some more until she was sure there was no longer any one there. So she began walking up the cul-de-sac. She reached the top and started back down the other side. Suddenly she saw people in front of the house across the street. She COULD NOT be seen (why? I have NO clue!) but she could not be seen there so she dove into the nearest clump of bushes and waited for the people to leave. Of course they saw her...not looking suspicious at all...and stared at her oddly as they drove away. She was so freaked out by the whole experience that she very quickly ended her walk and headed home. Yeah, SHE was freaked out. Can you imagine what the poor people across the street thought? Creepy! It's like a bad Halloween movie! So please, don't shoot at creepy people hiding in the bushes - it could be my good friends!!

Monday, October 26, 2009

You Know Your a Redneck If...

Your camping trip turns out like mine. :)
I took my brothers on a 'Sibling Retreat' of sorts two weekends ago. We went camping in Bryce Canyon National Park for 4 days. It was great fun. We did, however, run into a few memorable stumbling blocks. Allow me to elaborate:

We brought hot dogs for dinner the first night. We had brought two camp stoves...but not the convenient kind with a cooking surface, just the kind with an open flame shooting out of the top - so we had no way to cook the hot dogs. Fortunately the fire pit had a piece of flat metal across one side so we stuck the stoves under the metal and cooked the dogs on there - thereby saving us from holding our hot dogs by one end while crisping the other end in the open flames...trying desperately to not lose digits to the fire.

While cooking our hot dogs I remembered all the things I had forgotten to bring:
- Flashlight, lantern, glow stick - anything lighted!
- Hot cocoa
- Utensils
- Plates
- Ketchup (don't worry...we hit up the fast food joints for some :))
- Cups of any kind
- Something to boil water for hot cocoa in

So the next morning, with our laundry list of things I had forgotten, we headed to the convenience store just outside the park where a pack of gum costs a year and a half salary, one toe and your first born child. We bought a can of pears...so we could eat them, wash it, and boil water 14 oz at a time in it. Next we picked up some hot cocoa packets. We snagged a few plastic utensils from the fast food section and we were on our way.
We got back to the campsite and realized, much to my dismay and my brothers amusement, that we STILL did not have any cups to drink the hot cocoa in. Nor did we have any light. And to top it off, we had killed the laptop battery watching our Veggie Tales the night before - so we were cold, cup-less, light-less, entertainment-less. But fear not! I was determined to have hot cocoa. We boiled the water in our little tin can and I took a plastic knife to my 6 oz juice box. Twenty-seven minutes later I had sawed the top off that juice box and was ready to make some hot cocoa! Then, of course, Matthew said 'oh, I have scissors. You could have used those!'...

Needless to say we bought souvenirs the third day. Want to guess what they were? You are correct - hot cocoa mugs! There were two very important things that came out of this camping trip: 1) I learned that camping, as basic as it seems, should really be reserved for people with more brain cells than me & 2) my brothers now have license to mock me for the rest of my life...to infinity and beyond!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

I am NOT Addicted!

So I love orange. This isn't a secret....it isn't a sin either right? Let me just tell you how much I love orange before you answer that question though. Wal-Mart (the Great and Abominable) had a fabulous 'back to the stuffy, dark dorm room' sale a few months back. So, naturally I thought it a good time to stock up on some essentials for my new place. The shopping list included:
*Orange Computer stand
*Orange trash can for the downstairs bathroom
*Orange towels - bath towels, hand towels, washclothes
*Orange Dirt Devil 5-in-1 vacuum
*Orange cups
*Orange bowls
*Orange plates
*Orange tupperware
*Orange 18 gallon storage totes
And I think there were a few more orangey things that I am forgetting.
So I thought I had my orange fix for a while....then we went to Bryce Canyon last weekend...I bought another (like my fifth) orange shirt and a sweet, mostly orange Kokopelli mug. Orange you glad you know me!?

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Can I Ride in the Elelator?

Okay, so I know I'm like a month behind on this whole daily blogging thing...I hope no one got their hopes up. I sure didn't. And therefore, I am NOT disappointed that I haven't blogged in forever. :) Anyway, the other day my coworker and I had a little adventure I decided was worth spreading on the internet in an effort to reassure the world of my true hair color...
We had to get a whole bunch of heavy boxes up to the office from out in the warehouse. The only easy way to do that was to load them all in the huge mail cart that was in the warehouse and wheel it to the elevator, unload it in the office, take it back downstairs on the elevator and return it to the warehouse. Well, the first part went well - we loaded, rode the elevator, unloaded and headed back downstairs. I wheeled the mail cart in first and then I got in the elevator. Wendy got in after I did and off we went. When we touched down on the ground floor Wendy got out. I turned the mail cart so I could push it out instead of pulling it and attempted to exit the elevator. Just as I got the mail cart in position in front of me there was a little whooshing sound as the elevator door closed. Wendy was on the outside and I had successfully pinned myself in the corner furthest from the 'Open Door' button thingy. Awesome!
There was now a huge metal mail cart between myself and the exit. I thought for sure Wendy would notice I was not behind her and open the door. But the door didn't open. So I started thinking....'which body parts can I sacrifice to make it over the top of this mail cart so I can push the button?' Or 'I wonder if HR will have an issue with me chilling clausterphobically in the corner for a couple of hours until someone needs the elevator and releases me?' or 'Maybe this is how I was meant to die...makes sense...awkward...alone...trapped by technology...yep, this is how I'm going to die'. My life passed before my eyes - I really tried to block it out, it was rather boring, but it was passing nonetheless before my eyes....
DING!
As the door opened, Wendy was standing there doubled over laughing hysterically. All she had to say was 'well, I HAD to laugh at you before I could let you out!' ... uh huh...she should have left me there...dying in an elevator would have been less embarrassing...plus, it would have made a killer story for my posterity. Wait...

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Addicted

9/22/2009 DAY TWO:

I thought I was immune to the crafting world. I thought I was strong enough to not be sucked into that vortex. Not that there's anything wrong with crafting - I have just never been crafty. I swore to my boss when I started at CX that I would never purchase supplies from our store and I would never become addicted to being crafty. Well, needless to say, here I sit a year later with over $500 of crafting materials on the table behind me. Yeah, we're not even going to go there.

My most recent (well, almost most recent...)purchase was the Cricut Expression machine. I finally broke down and bought one of my very own - even though I have one on my desk at work and play with it for hours every day and I do spend more time at work than I do at home so you would think I don't need my own...but I do. Last night I showed the kids how to work the Cricut and just let them go at it. I was thinking they would keep it simple and just play around with it for an hour or so....Six hours later - they had created a full-blown Harry Potter paper doll set, complete with all the characters from the books, all the scenery in the books and movies and all of the accessories you could possibly imagine. They told me this morning that they don't want to call or play with friends at all this week - they just want to play with the Cricut. I hope I have enough in savings to support their growing paper needs!! They might need some serious addiction recovery counseling when their parents get home.
The Moral of the Story: Don't just become addicted to something yourself, make sure you take the Bishops kids down with you.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

The Beginning of The End

This week I have inherited three children...I am not babysitting because there is no baby and there is DEFINITELY no sitting! I am watching the three oldest kids of my parents bishop while he and his wife are in Hawaii for 8 days - I am still trying to figure out why I didn't volunteer to be their luggage carrier instead. So this week, since I get off at 12:30 every day and they don't get home until 2:30, I shall use that brief moment in time to narrate the sure to come adventures of the week.

09/21/2009 DAY ONE:

I decided to be diplomatic and ask the kids what they wanted to do for family night. In all my years of overnight babysitting I have found a foolproof equation with Utah County children: Mom and Dad are gone + the babysitter can drive + Mom and Dad left lots of money = CHUCK E CHEESE! It never fails. So I didn't even bat an eye when they came up with that one all on their own. I did, however, start to panic a little on the car ride to Chuck E Cheese - I mean, these are the BISHOPS kids and I'm supposed to teach them something worthwhile and uplifting for family night...how to eat pizza? No. How to yell louder than all the other kids in the restaurant? No. How to become obsessive gamblers? Probably shouldn't.

It ended better than expected though - we talked about choice and accountability. We even managed to get a scripture on the subject in. :) Now, instead of sounding like I prepared their children for a trip to the Las Vegas Strip - I'll sound like I spent hours preparing a killer object lesson to teach an important principle. SCORE!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Toilet Trivia

So my house now officially has no toilets. That is NOT super cool when you go to work there for long stretches at a time. And I was talking to a friend the other day, explaining this rather awkward situation and he told me to just go out back, behind the bushes. Well, there are only two GIGANTIC problems with that - first, it's not so easy for us girls to just squat where we stand....and that's if we're even talented enough to squat anywhere at all! And secondly, we cut down the trees and pulled out all the bushes in the whole yard...yeah, I'm thinking I'll walk to the gas station and save my neighbors the trouble of calling the cops to report our indecent exposure.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Gagging on My Paycheck

I got my check from the Government - I was a little nervous after the Cash for Clunkers thing went so well. But, it finally arrived. But have you ever noticed how much money and water have in common? Try to get a good grip on water - I dare you. Well, my money seems to have the same problem - it runs through my fingers and is gone before I realize I had it. But I did learn something new this week, and it's a good piece of financial wisdom: If you put $8,000 to the bank so it will earn interest, but you try to be responsible and pay off your credit card and then spend $1,700 per trip to Home Depot, there is seriously NO gain on that investment. I should have just got it all back in cash and stuffed it in my matress...just as long as it wasn't an air matress.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Victory is MINE!

Yesterday (while I was at the temple)my brother finished painting over all the peanut butter walls in the kitchen. YAY! I am excited for two reasons:
1) I LOVE the color on the walls now - maybe just because it is NOT peanut butter and maybe the rest of the world will think it is awful - oh well. But seriously, I love the new color and I'm totally stoked to paint the rest of my house.
2) I got to have a wonderful, spiritual, relaxing evening at the temple with a good friend while my house was being painted :) And by the time I got home from the temple, all of the work was finished and there was even fresh, hot pizza for me! They always say 'No pain, no gain'....well, I guess I proved them wrong! The world would do well to remember my motto in life: "I ALWAYS get what I want" - with a submotto something along the lines of 'I'm not conceited, I'm just worth it.' :)

Friday, August 21, 2009

Watch Out or I'll Sock You!

The other morning I was walking up the stairs to work and it felt like there was something wierd, wrong, amiss with my left pant leg. I reached down and felt a huge lump behind my knee. I rolled up my pant leg and removed the lump and sure enough - it was a sock stuffed in my pantleg. So here I come walking into my office swinging my dirty sock. I'm sure O.S.H.A. would have a hay day with that one! My co-workers sure did.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

You Got Mud on Your Face

Okay, so this story is far more entertaining this morning than it was yesterday. And it's definitely more hilarious for people who were NOT involved in the situation. Yesterday I stopped by my house in Provo to grab the mail and be on my merry little way. Well, there was a strange vehicle parked in my driveway - okay, so it was my Dad's truck, but that's not very dramatic. Anyway, I went inside and found him getting ready to texture my walls. Feeling a sense of obligation to help him work on MY house, I started taping up windows and getting ready to help him. We successfully textured the non-peanut butter walls of the kitchen and he moved into the family room. After running out of sheetrock mud in his cool little sprayer thing, I helped him refill it. He seemed to be doing okay by himself so I told him I was leaving so I wouldn't get dirty because I was going straight to Family Home Evening. He said 'well, you shouldn't get too dirty since we're just texturing the walls.' So, he went back to texturing the family room and I stayed in the kitchen to avoid getting dirty. Ha Ha...famous last words.
There is a doorway between the kitchen and the family room. My Dad came to the edge of that doorway. His last sweep over the wall - half of the mud went down the wall, half of the mud went down me. Head to toe! So, naturally I backed away from the onslaught of sheetrock mud. Unfortunately, I backed away right into the wall behind me - which my Dad had already textured. There was a nice butt print of mine on the wall behind me and everything on the back of me was covered in sheetrock mud and the front of me looked like the mud bucket violently exploded on me - I had sheetrock in my hair, on my glasses, up my nose, all over my brand new shirt, on my jeans and it even made it to my shoes. Needless to say, I told my Dad I was officially finished helping him and I left him laughing hysterically in my kitchen.
I had just enough time to wash and dry my clothes before F.H.E. Well, I thought they were dry anyway. Until I pulled on my pants. Yeah, not dry. Not dry at all! Hopefully no one at Family Home Evening thought I wet my pants - but I didn't ask.

Monday, August 17, 2009

The ODIO of Monday

I HATE Mondays! I really hate Mondays. Hate is a very strong word and it still fails to fully communicate the depth of my hatred for Mondays. I woke up this morning happy and excited and grateful ... and then I remembered it was Monday. As soon as I remembered it was Monday - it was suddenly a TERRIBLE day! I was late getting ready. My hair was flat - which is only a major crisis when I do my hair curly...which is always. Then I went downstairs to get my chocolate milk for breakfast and my ham fried rice for lunch. Someone hadn't washed my water bottle very well so I had to scrub it again before I could put my chocolate milk in there. Then I looked through the whole fridge for my precious ham fried rice and it wasn't there - obviously I was NOT the first person in the kitchen with a hankering for ham fried rice. So I wandered around the kitchen unsuccessfully looking for a suitable lunch replacement and muttering to myself things like 'Who the foul foul filthy foul foul took my rice?!' I think Snoopy aptly illustrates my enthusiasm for my work week...

Yep, that pretty much sums it up. Thank goodness for Family Home Evening and fantastic friends...otherwise I think I'd just cut Mondays out of my diet all together! Come to think of it, I could do without Tuesdays and Wednesdays and Thursdays too. I think every week should be Sunday, Friday, Saturday. Who's with me? We'll start a petition!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Uh...maybe I should sleep more

So yesterday the singles ward had a boating activity. We all met at the church at six o'clock to go to Utah lake for a grand old time. Earlier in the day, as I was getting ready to eat lunch, I thought to myself, "I wonder if they're going to feed us at this thing tonight." A couple of minutes later I realized...wait a second, I am the food committee chair! I am the 'they' who would be feeding us if there was going to be food! Yep, I really should have been a blonde.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Crunchy Peanut Butter and Dumpster Diving

Just a quick update on the peanut butter and jelly paint situation.....when we went to the family reunion last weekend, we stayed at my cousin's house - who, by the way, is my first cousin and the oldest in her family and is named Kristine and it's spelled the same way as my name and she goes by Kris - uh, and people wonder why I have an identity crisis - I was BORN with it!
Anyway, one of the rooms in her basement had the exact color of paint that I have been looking for - TAN paint, not peanut butter paint. I was so excited! All night I had wonderful dreams about repainting my kitchen walls! Friday night was the first time I had to go to the Home Depot (I restrained myself from rushing the store when we got home at midnight last Saturday). I had to take back the seventeen thousand gallons of peanut butter slyly disguised as paint in order to afford the new paint. One of the lids was messed up so I was going to just switch it with the lid from the gallon I used to masacre, I mean paint, my kitchen. Simple enough right? WRONG! I went to grab the empty gallon bucket and couldn't find it. I asked my Dad. He hadn't seen it. I looked in the garbage outside and it wasn't there. At least it wasn't there at first. I took a spare piece of mangled baseboard and started digging through the layers of sheetrock, dirt, nasty stuff and other fungi to see if it could possibly be in there somewhere. I found it - at the very bottom. And the lid couldn't just be conveniently located on the can where it belongs so I could pull it out with the board and never touch the garbage, No, it had to be all alone on the very bottom! So here I am, in nice clothes, in my driveway, in my garbage can! But, fear not, I rescued the lid, cleaned it, swapped it and returned all fifty billion gallons of paint! And for that I am now the proud owner of the CORRECT color of paint! I will soon begin gleefully repainting my kitchen - and there will be much rejoicing! Take that peanut butter!

Friday, August 7, 2009

Take it to the Mattress

On the trip home from a family reunion last weekend I decided I would share some of my mad air mattress skills with my Aunt Julie and my cousin...
Like the time when I went to visit Philadelphia with my Mom after I had foot surgery. I was still wearing that awful boot thing and wasn't' supposed to walk on my foot without it (and yes, I did try to be obedient to that...when the doctor was looking). Well, we were staying in a hotel room the size of a postage stamp and my Mom always brings her 3 foot tall air mattress. The air mattress was shoved at the end of my bed and it cut off the walkway to the bathroom. So of course I had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I successfully made it over the corner of the air mattress and into the bathroom. But when I was trying to get back to my bed, I was on the wrong side and couldn't get over without stepping on my bad foot. My Mom, who was awake by then, suggested that I just sit on the end of the mattress and swing my foot around to the other side and then stand up. So, I did. I sat, well kind of fell, onto the end of the air mattress which reacted to the falling mass on the end of it by shooting me off the air mattress and lodging me precariously in the very small space between the bed and the wall - head down, feet up. Yeah, that was the most graceful thing I've ever done.
OR the time when we were on vacation as a family so I decided to sleep on the 3 foot tall air mattress. But the top of that mattress is particularly uncomfortable, so I put another, thinner air mattress on top of it to make it a little more bearable. I was almost asleep when I rolled over and the air mattress tipped...pinning me between the air mattress and the bed with my feet sticking straight up in the air...another graceful maneuver. Don't you all wish you had mad skills like me!?

Friday, July 31, 2009

Peanut Butter and Jelly

So....obviously I have developed a bad habit lately of not wearing pants. No, really I just have a stupid phone that promised to be really cool...promised being the key word there.
I decided this past week that the greatest adventure of my entire life is going to be remodeling my stupid house. Last weekend I decided to be brave and paint the walls in my kitchen so my dad could hang up the cabinets. I went to Home Depot and picked out my very favorite color, Wilmington Tan (I think I loved it because it was tan and because I really loved Wilmington, DE!!) Well, it was just a LITTLE too dark for my little tiny kitchen...I asked the guy at the counter if he could help me out. He said that he would just add a fourth of the color and it would be much lighter and just what I was looking for. :) He mixed it, it looked great, I took it home, I painted the walls...........it looked like a freakin clown had painted the walls! And it looked like I took a great big jar of peanut butter and smeared it all over the walls. But don't worry, I bought some nice red paint for one of the walls in my family room - I now officially own a peanut butter and jelly house. Oh, just for the record - that was NOT intentional!

Monday, July 20, 2009

The mouse in my pocket

So I have become very anti-internet-when-I-get-home since I usually get my fill of rage against the machine at work...well against the internet at least. I am still trying to figure out why I bought a laptop I have no intention of using. And I am totally paranoid that they are watching, always watching what I do on my work computer - so I don't want to post from work. BUT, on Saturday, I finally got a phone with the internet so now I have the bane of my existence conveniently stowed in my pocket wherever I go. Now I really don't have an excuse for not posting...as long as I'm wearing pants, I can blog.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Postage Stamps and Purple Paint

Okay, so your meeting was informative. I suppose the meeting I just left was informative...but I have absolutely NO IDEA what was said or accomplished in that meeting. First off, the boss picked colors for the walls in the new conference room. So now we have some very bright pastel blue walls and a greenish kind of brown (that's supposed to be the 'accent wall'...bleh!). And did I mention that our conference room is now literally the size of a postage stamp? Seriously - we have to start seating against the far wall and work up to the front - there isn't even room to walk behind the chairs...if there was a fire and the person closest to the door didn't move fast enough, the poor people on the far end would be crispy critters. The one good thing that came out of the meeting was playing with paint...and other sweet new crafting product we just got samples of. I managed to keep myself sufficiently occupied the entire time by painting stars on my notebook paper. AND I managed to get out of there alive. And that's how I became a sardine.

So, Ashley, how many days until you 'tie the knot', 'get hitched', 'end your singles career', 'take that big step' and get married? I need to put it in my insanely busy schedule....on the line between 'Nothing to do' and 'Noone to see'.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Okay, so yesterday came and went...rather quickly too! Today's topic: Friends. I was reading in my high school journal last night and I came across some hilarious things I did in high school with my friends. I had totally forgotten that most of these things happened - I told you I have memory issues! There was one class (AP English with Mrs. Shelton, to be exact) and every week I would bring treats for the class (it was a little pricey, but in the end it paid off - I passed :) ). Anyway, toward the end of the year was Mrs. Shelton's birthday, so my friend Sarah and I brought cake. I had this awesome cake pan that was indestructible metal and had a handy dandy metal lid that slid onto it - it was pretty sweet, I'm not gonna lie.


Well, the class had their cake and ate it too and everyone loved us. :) After school I was so excited to eat the last piece of cake! It was suprise cake with chocolate chips and cream cheese at the bottom - my very favorite. In my jolly mood I volunteered to give my friends Aersta and Annie a ride home. We all piled into the car and started on our merry little way. All of the sudden it sounded like we were the victims of an air raid - the noise of the metal being sheared away from the top of my car was deafening. And then, it stopped.


We couldn't figure out what the HECK had just happened until Aersta (she was always the brilliant one) turned around and looked to see if there was something behind us. And there was...the cake pan. I had put it on the hood of the car and forgot to get it before we drove off. Oops. But, no harm done - it was indestructible like I said.


We pulled off to the side of the road and just as I was getting ready to run out and grab the pan, a school bus pulled out of the bus loop and RAN OVER MY PAN! Did I mention that the pan belonged to my Mother's Grandmother? Or that it was an heirloom of my Mom's? Allow me to illustrate what my pan looked post-bus:


I was suprised (and so were my friends) that I lived to see the next sunrise. Suffice it to say, telling this story is one of those times you hope your Mom doesn't read your blog and remember.

So, what are some of your great memories from high school? And aren't you so glad that we're past that awkward stage of life? Nevermind, I'm still awkward.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Wordplay

YAY! I thought you had abandoned me for higher mental pursuits. Thanks for the laugh - I don't remember many of my embarrassing moments so I have to live vicariously through yours...obviously that means the inside of my head is teeming with repressed memories, I tend to embarrass myself often. But when I read all of your falling stories, I thought of the funniest time on the mission.

I have to describe the setting first: Allentown; the Turner Street apartment. Did you ever serve there? Well, for dramatic effect I will describe it anyway. There are three apartments in the Turner Street Row home...We were in the second floor apartment, meaning there was a long wooden staircase going up to the door of our apartment. I was serving with Katie Sano and we were a little spicy together - we burned each other on a regular basis. One morning we were slinging less than compliments at each other as we walked out the door. I paused on the landing while Katie locked the door and said something totally sarcastic like "you're probably going to push me down the stairs" and abruptly turned around to go down the stairs. Well, I did go DOWN the stairs, just not with my feet. I slipped on the first stair and slid down all 465 stairs like a little kid in a laundry basket - only without the laundry basket. Katie ran past me as soon as I cruppled at the bottom and the first thing she said, through hysterical fits of laughter, was "That was hilarious! Can you do it again so I can get it on camera?!"

It was pretty funny...except I had the biggest freaking bruise I have ever seen on my hip. (Katie has pictures - she hasn't given them to me yet, or maybe she is holding them hostage for future blackmail purposes.) The bruise wasn't purple and green and blue like normal bruises - it was solid black and oh baby, it hurt! I couldn't sit down without pain for a month after that! But you know what they say: The bigger they are, the harder they fall. :)

Okay, now on to the powerful words section of this work of literature. I was watching Harry Potter with the fam last week and something Dumbledore says really made me think. He says, "Soon we must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy".
I think the reason it impacted me so much is that in the scriptures and at Conference the brethren teach us to choose between good and evil, right and wrong. But through all the talks and lessons, somehow I hadn't necessarily thought of 'easy' being in the 'wrong' category. It is so true though - what is easy is usually in opposition to what is right. But then doing what is right was never meant to be easy. Insert the quotes from Elder Holland running through my mind and the scripture that just came to mind...needless to say, I could go on, but I will stop there.


(I'll be back tomorrow with a deep, or not so deep, query for you...but I'm out of time now.)

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Responding and Reflecting

Ashley, I really can't form an opinion since you found the bouquets on Etsy.com...it's a breech of the good craft employee code. I mean, afterall, I do work for the competition. But if I didn't work for a competitor and WAS able to form an opinion, then I probably, most likely would have said that this bouquet was my favorite. But, since I shouldn't really form an opinion...I won't share that information with you.
So today I heard a great story from a very good friend here at work. It goes as follows: My friend, whom we shall refer to as 'M', stopped to get a present on her way to the reception of a good friends daughter. When she arrived at the reception hall, she grabbed her purse and the gift bag from the car and went inside. After the awkward social gathering ended, all parties, including the newly weds, went home. Most of the guests, including the newly weds, drove back to Nevada. A while later, M got a call from the newly weds telling her that they had found her wallet in the gift bag she gave them. Apparently it had fallen into the bag when she grabbed her purse from the car at the reception. Even better: M had no idea her wallet had left her purse...or the state! Thank goodness for overnight express!
Sadly, M told me this story because I was having a little freak out moment...I can't find my wallet anywhere! Of course, I'll get home and it will be on the kitchen counter or somewhere else in plain sight. I will update on my impending embarrassing moment tomorrow.
So Ashley, share with the class some of your first rate embarrassing moments...I am sure you have at least one...Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

There's a Snake in My Boot

(Read the Prequel)
Okay, so that is not one of my pull-string phrases...although if I really did have a pull-string, I would see if they could install that one. You know, Ashley, for one who talks so much, I have surprisingly few iconic statements of my own...But I will do my best...
1. SWEET!
2. That is my FAVORITE scripture!
3. Oh man!
4. How's that working for you?
5. Good luck with that.
And I saved the best for last...I DEFINITELY use this phrase in EVERY conversation:
6. Hello, Hi, Hey, Hola or some other variation.

So your life really is interesting and random...I have an obsessive compulsive need to maintain a clean inbox...so all of my texts have long since been eradicated so I cannot share them with you. I will finish this exciting response later...I'm off to sign my life away...Just think, in only 30 short minutes I will have successfully spent all of my paychecks for the next 30 years. Now that takes talent!

Okay, so it was almost as quick and painless as giving blood...except I've never given blood so I don't know if that's quick or painless. Anyway, I realized I omitted one of my very famous Kriss quotes in the list above..."That is AWESOME!" I have already said it at least a dozen times in the 45 minutes I've been at work. I'm keeping track to see if I can hit 100 today. Kriss out.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Moderation is Overrated

So I've been on a blog fast for the last month and a half. And it seems to have worked quite well - my blog is DEFINITELY thin! But like a dog to it's vomit, a depressed woman to her chocolate, and a teenage boy to the fridge, I am back to blog binging!

So Ashley, my friend :), I guess I will answer your query...First things first, I would have to agree that you are superior at the quality time thing - in fact, I think you are right up there with the mother of all attention harlots...or something like that. ;) Not to sound boastful or anything, but I know how to speak all five love languages too - I just choose not to. But if I wanted to, I could do them all simultaneously! I will have to ponder how...
Ouch...pondering hurts. Moving on. San Diego was like the best time EVA! But I have to confess something...I cheated on my swim suit as soon as we got to Utah with a new Speedo. Shocking I know. Maybe you won't want to be my friend any more...obviously my first love language is NOT fidelity...although I do pray for little old Spanish ladies to have it. :) (For my other two blog stalkers, if you don't get it, don't ask).

Well, people keep looking over my shoulder at the productive work I am doing right now...cough, cough - so I better exit before they build a case for it in HR. Hasta when I get around to it.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

I Ride The Short Bus Part 2

Okay, so I had to finish the story I started in my last post - the story about how I started riding the short bus. ;)
So after my run-in (pun intended) with the air conditioning unit, Wendy and I were knocking doors in an area full of row homes. For everyone who doesn't know what a row home is: it is a series of houses all linked together in porch and wall. So if you walk up to one door, you can easily step across the 12 inch wooden divider and pow! You're on the next porch. Well, I was on one such porch and needed to get to the next door so I lifted my left leg over the divider...and POW! I was NOT on the next porch. I did, however, have a shooting pain in my left temple right about the same location as the bruise from the a.c. unit. I had unknowingly and uncoordinately, not seen the low hanging, thick wooden divider hanging from the CEILING. So later, when Wendy said 'Look there's a cardinal' and I responded with 'Yeah! It's a red one!' Wendy didn't wonder too much about why I was so dumb. She did threaten to buy me a helmet for Christmas though.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

I Ride The Short Bus

Okay today's humorous mission story comes from Allentown. Wendy and I were walking down a very narrow ally one dark night on our way home. I turned my head to the right to say something to Wendy and CRACK!!! The next thing I knew I was on my knees in the fetal position, clutching my left temple - just WAITING for my brains to start oozing out onto the concrete. Wendy was kind of borderline freaking out and kept asking if I was bleeding. She was sure half of my head was missing. I finally stood up and realized what I had done. I had turned to face Wendy at the exact moment that I approached a window air conditioning unit hanging out of a bedroom window. The corner had caught me square in the left temple. That's gonna leave a mark. Don't worry, I still have the left side of my face - and it sustained no permanent damage. How do I know? It is still able to get chubby.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Why You Flea-Bitten Little....

I decided that since my life currently lacks a great measure of humor - I will stimulate it by recounting humor from my mission. Today's episode: How I became flea-bitten.
I was serving in Pottsville, Pennsylvania with Ciara Dresser. There are a couple of important things to know about Pottsville in order to fully appreciate this account: 1) More than 50% of the population HAS spent time in the psych ward. 2) The other 50% of the population IS currently spending time in the psych ward.
We had been teaching Teresa...but we quickly learned she fell into the 100% of the population I described above, so we stopped meeting with her. She called us one day in a panic because she couldn't find her cat. We took pity on her and went to help her find the dang cat. We found it alright - and just in time. It had been severely eaten by fleas and still had literally hundreds on it. I will spare you the gory details -but the cat had to be rushed to the animal hospital. The doctor at the animal hospital said if the cat had that many fleas on it, there were at least ten times that many fleas in the house - meaning there were thousands of fleas in Teresa's house.
Well now that just gives you warm fuzzies! Teresa drove herself home and we drove straight to Wal-Mart!
We headed to the insect killing spray isle, grabbed some super powerful, guaranteed to work flea bombs and headed back to the apartment. We got out of the car, set up a flea bomb between the two front seats, set it off, slammed the doors and locked the car.
Next we had to get into the apartment to get cleaned up...(remember the gory details I left out...well they left us very messy and not clean). We didn't want to infect the whole apartment so we decided it would be best if we climbed in through the bathroom window (Do note that we were wearing skirts for this adventure). I climbed in first. After shutting the bathroom door and sealing off the crack at the bottom (so no fleas could escape), I stripped down and jumped into the shower. After a long paranoid shower, I left my clothes in a wad on the floor and escaped the bathroom so Ciara could climb in the window and shower. After her shower, I set off the last flea bomb in the bathroom just to be safe. For the next two weeks every time a hair on my arm bristled or the wind blew just right, I jumped and screamed like a little girl - still paranoid that we had fleas.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Mommy Wow! I'm a Big Kid Now!

Okay, so I basically just tried to hold the door open for the guy walking behind me - the door to the girls bathroom. Yeah, cuz that's not embarrassing at all! Fortunately he didn't say something like 'Thanks, but I think I'll use the MENS room'.
That reminds me of a time on my mission when we knocked on the door of an older gentleman and asked if we could come in and talk to him for a minute. He said no, he was getting dressed. I remember having a sort of out of body experience at that moment with my conscience screaming 'NO, DON'T SAY THAT!' at the same time that my mouth was asking, 'Well, can we help you with anything?' The gentleman looked at me oddly and then said, 'Uh, no, I can do it myself thanks.'
If only I would learn to keep my mouth shut!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Death to the Dog!

There is a family in Lindon that happens to be very good friends with my family. They asked if I could come live at their house for a week while they went on vacation. So I made sure to pack all the essentials (chocolate, ensign, chocolate) in my little orange suitcase and moved in Sunday night. Things had been going great - inspite of the extremely hyper chocolate lab and the severely co-dependent cat that both live there. 'Had been' was definitely the key part of that sentence. I came home late Tuesday night and went to turn in for the night only to find small pieces of foil littering the bedroom floor. I couldn't for the life of me figure out what they were from. Then I saw my orange suitcase...the foil was DEFINITELY coming from there. Uh, so basically the dog had found and EATEN MY CHOCOLATE BAR! And not only that, he had also chewed through most of my Conference Edition of the Ensign! I kept thinking 'I hope you get sick! You just ate the two MOST important things!' Mom said she figures the dog was just trying to get some spirituality any way he could. So what about the chocolate? WHY did he have to eat the chocolate?!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

How I Became Cookie Monster

So this is the story of how I became a cookie monster. I found four dollars outside of our building one afternoon. I decided to be honest and turned it in to HR. On Friday, HR decided that since no one had claimed the money, I could have it. I was stoked! I put my precious four dollars in my pocket and immediately started finding great things to spend that money on. All weekend I was so excited because I had four dollars and I didn't have to work for it, pay taxes on it, or even pay bills with it...that four dollars was ALL MINE! Well, the weekend ended and I STILL had four dollars. Yesterday, Monday, I was sitting at my desk as the day drug on and on and on when suddenly I remembered my four dollars. I could get a cookie! I could get a caffeine fix! I could get Mac & Cheese! I ran down to the vending machine...selected the delightful fudge chocolate chip cookie that I was salivating to consume...I pulled out my wallet to get one of my precious four dollars and there were NO dollars in my wallet. My four dollars were (and still are) on my desk; they are even in the envelope HR gave me on Friday. Yeah, I'm kinda dense like that.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Minor Surgery

So I think that someone crept into my room a few nights ago while I peacefully slept in my not so comfy bed and performed minor surgery on me because it seems my funny-bone is missing. I am not feeling freaking hilarious anymore. Maybe it's just a passing phase and soon everyone will be subjected to my not-so-funny-self-entertainment again. I wonder if funny-bone surgery takes six or eight weeks for recovery. Should I be on light duty until I recover? Hmm...maybe I'll consult a physician.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

HELP!

This is a desperate plea for help! Last night, I got home rather late and found an envelope on the stairs for me. We're going to blame the rest of this story on the fact that I was undoubtedly very tired. :D Well, I opened the envelope and I shall tell you what went through my mind: "Hey, I like how they printed color ink on the vellum paper that they used. And those eyeletz they used, I wonder if they are Zision eyelets and if they used the Silent Setter or if they used the Crop-a-dile. And look, the paper is a double-sided white core heavy cardstock. Oh hey, it's a baby shower for Stacy!" That is definitely backwards and MESSED UP!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

This is a SWEET post!

Okay so the Google ad running on my blog a minute ago said 'Sleepless in Colorado'....call me crazy but wasn't that movie 'Sleepless in Seattle'? Anyway, today I think I shall pen an epic ode to my best friend in the world. The one that I can always rely on in times of need AND in times of great joy and happiness. My one true companion through thick and thin, in sickness and in health - my one true love - SUGAR! :D And in case you didn't know, an ode is a lyric poem usually marked by exaltation of feeling and style, varying length of line, and complexity of stanza forms (consult webster.com for more info...although there isn't any more there...I posted it all here). Well, back to the topic at hand:

Ode to Sugar

This is my ode to sugar
We’re the very best of friends
Been with me since my diapers
Will be with me to Depends

We’ve had Mounds of fun be –Twix-t us
And we’ve seen the Milky Way
Me and my sugar daddy
And our little crème briolette

I like you more than sleeping, sugar
And that’s quite a lot to say
I’d take you over veggies, sweetie
Or a fruit bowl any day.

And so my ode to sugar
From the diapers to Depends
And so my ode to sugar
Well ... finally... it ENDS!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Love is in the air - I'm choking on it!!

Okay so it feels like everyone I know is making 'the announcement' that they are having a baby. Or, if they aren't having a bundle of joy, they are getting married. So I ask myself: Half of my friends are getting a husband. Half of my friends are getting a baby.
What am I getting?
In an effort to console myself, I shall tell you what I am getting: a good nights rest; puke free clothes; peace and quiet; ME time. I am getting an even tan on my left ring finger; friends who are potty trained; sleep...did I mention sleep?; late night parties with non-existent hot guys; freedom to sleep alone whereever I want. I am getting ALL of my money. I am getting tired...

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Is Anyone Listening!?!

Okay, so I was going to write about my new favorite song from Linkin Park but then I realized it was a little heavy for this blog...so then my mind started thinking "Well, this blog DOES belong to ME so it's bound to be heavy..." And I started cracking myself up with all sorts of fat jokes...about my blog of course. You know you're in deep and should seek Personal Trainer help when your BLOG has weight issues!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

What do YUDU?

Okay, so here's my plug for work...Provo Craft just came out with the coolest freaking product on the planet! It's a silk screening machine so you can make your own T-shirts. But you can really make anything you can think of that would fit under the lid of the machine - blankets, pants, bags, hats, shirts, socks, cards, scrapbook pages, small dogs, skateboards, sticky-notes...yeah, that's a good enough list to illustrate my point. I totally am in love with this machine though...that's what I used to make my 'Made in the 80's' shirt...maybe I'll buy a YuDu and make one in every color of the rainbow!!

Here's a link to the demo: http://www.creativexpress.com/nth/index.php?actn=view&id=61&title=CHA%20Winter%202009%20-%20Provo%20Craft

Monday, February 2, 2009

I Am Borg

Okay, so the doctor seems to think that I might have Narcolepsy (probably spelled it wrong. And NO narcolepsy does not only mean that you fall asleep while walking through the mall or having conversations with people...it basically means the switch in the body that tells you when you've had enough sleep is broken so you never feel like you've slept enough). Anyway, they sent me in to the hospital on Friday. I had a fabulous time...I shall enlighten you.

I arrived at the hospital at 7:00 am (and those of you who know me well know how much of a stretch that is...I mean, I usually don't even get UP until 7:00!). The Sleep Lab technicians immediately began writing on my skull with magic marker and then ever so gently scrubbed all five layers of my dermis off (please, insert heavy sarcasm here) on the previously marked locations. Then they took electrical wires, dipped them in extremely sticky paste, stuck them in the dermis-free zones and TAPED them to my head (and hair) with medical tape...yeah, that's gonna come out easy...

After I officially looked like I walked off Star Trek, they hooked all my loose wires into a box, plugged the box into the computer and said 'Sleep!' Okay, so she was nicer than that but it still had the same effect...I laid in the bed thinking "crap, I only have 20 minutes to sleep...and it's probably already been 12! Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep!" (If you've seen Rocket Man you know exactly what I'm talking about...if not, rent it!).

20 minutes later the technician came in and said 'So did you sleep? Did you dream? How long do you think you slept?" The whole time she's asking these questions, I'm thinking to myself "Lady, isn't that what I'm paying YOU to figure out?!"

Oh, but lunch was the best...I volunteered to get a little blood pumping and walk downstairs to have lunch in the cafeteria. Well, it did get my blood pumping - all those freaked out stares people were giving me. What did I learn from this experience? When you look like a freak, you should probably remain confined in your hospital room! That and I now have a lot more sympathy for people with physical imparements.

I was finally released from the hospital with minor welts from the pasty stuff that ate my skin off. So what did I do after my sleep test? I went home and SLEPT! :D

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Story Of My LIFE!!

Okay, so I heard perhaps the greatest new quote of all time in a movie preview the other day. Now, realize that I am NOT recommending the movie that the preview was about, but the quote was just so true that I had to share it. Also, you should note that this is the narration of MY LIFE! Ugh.

"So I had this guy leave me a voice mail at work so I called him at home and then he emailed to my Blackberry and so I texted to his cell and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies!"
-Drew Barrymore in 'He's just not that into you'

I would laugh harder....if only it wasn't so true!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Short, Sweet And To The Point

Something that is short: Most of my mission companions
Something that is sweet: My Jerry Cherry Laffy Taffy
Something that is pointy: The teeth of my brother's comb
Well, there you have it. Short, sweet and to the point.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

"I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five."

Okay, so I have this coworker...(we shall refer to her throughout this post as: Nameless) who has a knack for bad luck. I just have to share some of her most recent quandaries.

Our company sent a bunch of us to A.C. Moore stores all across the East Coast the weekend before Christmas to demo the Cricut Expression Machine (If you don't know what that is...repent! But I'm warning you if you find out what it is...you'll be addicted too!). Anyway, our flight schedule was supposed to go as follows:

Friday Morning - Fly to destination
Saturday - Demo machine
Sunday - Fly home

Well, Nameless got on her flight Friday morning. She demonstrated her machine on Saturday. She got ready to go to the airport Sunday...that's when the call came - "We're sorry to inform you that your flight has been canceled and the soonest available flight is Tuesday, December 23rd." Poor Nameless doesn't own a credit card, so she had to put all the extra hotel and car rental charges on her debit card...with no money left in her bank account and no freaking idea where she was, she spent the hours watching reruns of I love Lucy in her overheated hotel room - okay, so I'm not so sure about that...but I do know that she had done absolutely NO Christmas shopping before leaving on Friday and now that she had NO money left in her bank account could not even go Christmas shopping while stranded in NY!!

Tuesday the 23rd:
Nameless arises earlier than usual, throws her used linens in a heap on the hard hotel matress and grabs her bags to head to the airport and find her way back to civilization in UTAH! Once at the airport she approached the ticketing desk with a hopeful spring in her step..."We're sorry. All flights to Utah have been canceled until December 31st. You might want to call your hotel and make sure you still have a reservation." ... the hotel never got a call. But the head of the HR department surely did! And then the travel agency got a call! And 24 hours later...Nameless boarded a plane to somewhere that connected to a plane to somewhere else that flew to an airport where a plane was waiting to take Nameless back to SLC...Estimated arrival time: 8:00 pm Christmas Eve.

With her feet finally on good old Utah soil, she drove back to her apartment only to find she had been robbed.

The next week she had much better luck. She was getting ready for the epic trek to the office, got into her car, pushed the little button for the garage door to go up....pushed the littled button for the garage door to go UP...it didn't go up. She frantically called her boyfriend, who graciously came to the rescue. While braving the roads in the snow and ice, they had stopped at a red light when an occupied mother telling her children to 'stop it or I'll come back there!' smashed into the back of their truck going 40 MPH. Nameless found herself in the emergency room for whiplash thanks to that caring mother.

Oh, but it gets better...Nameless parked on the street in front of her house the next Friday. 45 minutes later, she came out and found that some loving person had imprinted their fourwheeler on her car - only causing $2,700 in damages!

Phew...I'm exhausted and depressed just telling the story! Nameless' theme song for 2009 is from Hee-Haws: "If it wasn't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all!"

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Ridin' the Brain wave...

I was shopping for a good friend of mine...today is her birthday. I was having some difficulty deciding what to get her. After wandering aimlessly through Wal-Mart for over an hour, running into the same Sales Associates over and over (who may I add, begin to look at you strangely the fifth time you pass them with an empty shopping cart) it finally hit me! She is trying to lose weight and get into shape. So I bought her the most logical gift (mind you, not the first gift that came to mind when thinking of her diet: MOUNDS of chocolate to taunt her and test her dedication to the new diet thing) - I bought her an exercise ball and a pilates video. I wrote a little tag to go with it that said "I hope you 'AB' a great birthday!" I thought it was pretty punny...okay, enough already.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

I did all this for posterity...

Alright, here's the first half of the 500 word personal history that I wrote while racing James in finishing his Duty To God assignment. I think it's amusing at least! For the second half, you'll have to go to the CreativeXpress community and look under blogs.

"I was born on April 17, 1985. I am the oldest child of Karen Denning and Lonnie Dale Cox. I honestly don’t remember too much of my childhood, I suspect I have some repressed memories. I have been told, however, that I was a rather intense child. I liked to be in the middle of everything and if there wasn’t something going on I created a fiasco to entertain myself. I never did like to be alone or play by myself – that hasn’t changed much over the years. I remember spending time at the Tessems house during the day. I always felt like a part of their family and learned many important things during the years they babysat me. I remember playing GI Joes with Scott and Troy – I was the caregiver to all the infants in the GI Joe nursery, which consisted of the heads the boys had blown off of their guys during mortal combat. I also remember starting kindergarten while I was at their house. Tiffany and Lance Feher came to be babysat by Sister Tessem as well and they added a great deal of fun and adventure to my time with the Tessems. We had good times building forts under the desk in the kitchen, listening to stories on cassette tapes and playing outside. Tiffany and I also took opportunity to hone our arson skills. Most days when playing outside we would create ‘special potions’ in the empty film canisters Sister Tessem would give us to play with. One day, Tiffany brought a pack of matches and I went into the bathroom and filled my jacket pockets with toilet paper. We got a pretty good little bonfire going there by the front corner of the garage. We tried to boil some of our ‘special potions’ in the flames, but it burned out too quickly – plus it was approaching time to go to school. It was Sister Tessem’s turn to drive carpool so the other kids in the neighborhood started showing up. I had hidden the large black soot mark on the concrete driveway with my backpack so I wouldn’t get caught. Tiffany and I showed the mark to a friend in the neighborhood as we were getting ready to go to school. As soon as I had taken my backpack off of the ground and gotten into the car, Sister Tessem noticed the burn mark and asked what had happened. Kenna (some friend) immediately spilled the beans that we had built a toilet paper fire there. Needless to say, we got burned! That was one of the last times I was babysat by the Tessem family. I am positive that there are still ‘special potions’ hidden in the rock wall along the street in front of the Tessem’s home. "

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

A Long, Long Time Ago...

So, it's been a couple of days since I talked with you all...my silent audience. I decided that my blog will replace writing in my journal everyday...and I figure that if I keep the commitment to blog every day as well as I have kept the commitment to write in my journal every day, you might hear from me like once a millennium.

My entry for this millennium:
I was taking my laptop and assorted accessories (check out my alliteration skills) up to my room last night and I had a relapse to younger years. I suddenly had butter fingers and dropped my laptop. Fortunately I only killed it, didn't maime it or anything terrible...so my wonderful Mom fixed it without having to open it and make my warranty void. (For those of you who are not aware...that's pretty much what my Mom does: Fix computers...only usually she fixes the kind that die of natural causes NOT the ones that die from association with clumsy people like me). Well, that's it - the highlight of my evening and the only insight to my riveting life you will get for the next 1,000 years.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Chocolate For Thought

I much prefer chocolate to food so I thought I'd offer up a little chocolate for thought ;)!

"Families are broken up because of distrust aroused by faults magnified and virtues overlooked." - Thorpe B. Isaacson

Friday, January 9, 2009

A Few of My Favorite Things

Alright, I jumped on the bandwagon. I'm officially accepting the 365 challenge. For those of you who are scrapbooking challenged - and that would be me - the 365 challenge encourages you to take 1 picture each day (that's probably where they got that inventive name)...then each week you create a double-page scrapbooking layout. I am cheating and putting weeks 1 & 2 together in the spread this Sunday...so there is no layout picture to upload...but here are the pictures I took to fudge for the first 9 days - just a few of my FAVORITE things! But no orange...THIS time! Just you wait! This is a piece of old wood from my aunts ranch I worked for in Canada. One of my good friends up there carved it with a barrel rider and my favorite word - Remember!
This is a new favorite game - just played it the other day with some of my other favorites: Jessica, Jessica and Amanda! :D
Not sure if this qualifies as one of my favorite things - creepy eyes from an abnormally large stuffed pluto dog...hmm...they could grow on me.

Okay, I know I'm totally immature but when I saw this dude I thought 'That is one giant poo!' I still have my two Pooh bears from when I was a baby in storage - he really was one of my favorite things! That's why I had two - I wore the first one to rags!

Oh baby! Hold me back! I'm gonna lick my screen! First found these puppies in PA when I was on my mission. I LOVE them! Sister Moyeda and I used to buy them every week...we'd gladly sacrifice veggies for these!
This little guy was given to me by my Grandpa Cox. He made a little mirror stand for him to sit on.
This is a flower - if you couldn't tell. Alive is preferable on the favorites list, but under 2 ft of snow and constantly freezing Utah temperatures, not happening. Maybe in the summer...day 195 or so.
Okay, terrible picture, but still a favorite. I love PA - what more can I say!?

I have wanted this shirt since I was like 12! I finally made it at work on the YuDu silk screen printing machine. DEFINITELY at the top of the favorite list!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Woes of a Pizza Junkie

Okay, so I posted the edited version of this story in the online community at work, but I thought I'd elaborate a little here.

It began around 9:30 this morning when all of the sudden I realized I had a coupon for a $0.25 pizza - yes that's right a Twenty-five cent pizza, from Papa Johns. I decided immediately to capitalize on the opportunity to be an extortionist and get my co-workers to pay for the Large pizza that had to be purchased in order to get the $0.25 pizza deal. Well, they jumped on the band wagon and all pitched in and we got ourselves an online order placed before the clock struck 10:00. I scheduled a pick up at 12:00 and thought everything was peachy...started salivating for the garlic sauce before I'd even eaten my breakfast! Then came the voice from the cubicle...'hope you didn't order that pizza during our meeting...' I DIDN'T order the pizza to be picked up during the scheduled meeting - the meeting is from 10:30 - 11:30. I was, however, held hostage in the said meeting until 12:00! After executing a prison break, I was off for the pizza which I drove like a mad woman to return to the office. By the time I got it back, it was beyond cold and the breadsticks were the wrong kind....I'll save you the carnage incurred by my wrath because of this. Needless to say, I did NOT share my pizza with the voice in the cubicle! Moral of the story: DON'T step on the Garlic sauce!!