Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream.

This morning I woke up so refreshed and excited for the day...that was my first clue. I was pleasantly suprised to be awake well before my alarm went off...that was my next clue. I noted that it was a bright, sunny day...that was the final clue...that's when I started to get nervous. Then I grabbed my phone to see what time it was. That's when I started freaking out. Yes, yes I had slept through my alarm! But not by a few minutes...or an hour...no, that would have been recoverable. I slept through my alarm by two and a half hours! It was 9:30!!
I was so proud of myself though - I woke up at 9:30 and I clocked in at work at exactly 9:47. That's right...I have super powers...very deeply hidden, untapped, unreachable, unbelievable super powers. But the best part of the morning was not the extra two hours of sleep, or the confidence-boosting discovery of my super human abilities - it was the fact that as late as I was...I STILL beat my boss to work. Phew! That was close.
Pretty sure I have officially crossed into the realm of 'I need seventy billion alarm clocks to make sure I don't sleep through them'. Maybe I'll get a dog...then it will lick my late morning sleep addiction away. Except, how do you turn off a dog on holidays and weekends?

Monday, December 14, 2009

Scripture Slut

Yes, I have to admit it, I am a scripture slut. What the crap is a scripture slut you may be thinking. Well, let me enlighten you. I will have to give you some history though.

On my mission I apparently had a hot love affair with one of the elders - we shall call him Elder Untouchable. I WISH I could remember it - man, if my life had a forbidden love scene in it, I would at least like to remember it...probably will be the only one I get. Anyway, I came home...completely unaware that my mission was an epic love saga of rumors about me and Elder Untouchable. At Elder Untouchable's homecoming, another elder from the mission asked if he could clarify something he had heard about this love scandal. I said sure. This is the story he proceeded to tell me:
It was late one evening and I was at the mission office helping Elder Untouchable. President walked in and saw me sitting in a chair, Elder Untouchable standing over me ... and there was a bright lamp directly above us. Our companions were nowhere to be seen. President forthwith banned us from ever serving in the same zone again!

I still don't think I've recovered from falling off my chair laughing when he told me this. Uh, yeah...really? I must say though, whoever was the instigator of this ridiculous rumor - kudos to them for going to such painstaking effort to add the finite detail of the lamp directly above us. That's classic. Oh, and my one question would be...President could see us. Where the heck were our companions?

Anyway, moving on. I was on the phone with Elder Untouchable some time later and he told me a few more rumors (I will spare you since none of them were nearly as fantastic as the lamp story) but then he told me that apparently, during my second transfer, my companion told President in her interview that Elder Untouchable and I were, and I quote, 'Scripture Dating'. I still, and probably never will, have ANY idea what the heck scripture dating is! Scripture dating!?! Seriously!?! Oh man, that's good.

Well, when I was sharing these wonderful adventures that I never had with Jessica and Manders the other night, Jess said 'You scripture slut'. I think I am going to make me a shirt that says that. 'Proud to be a scripture slut'.

P.S. Our epic love saga ended tragically. He came home rather uneventfully and got married to someone he never even scripture dated! And now they have a beautiful little baby. Somehow I feel like I should have some battle scars or at least some memories or something...but I guess our love affair just didn't go that deep.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

I can read, I can read, I can read!

Okay, so I have officially been home from my mission for 2 years, 3 months, 19 days, 1 hour and 12 minutes...well, I'm not sure if it's EXACTLY 12 minutes, it might only be 11 minutes and 37 seconds...but 12 is a rough estimate. Anyway, in these long years since the good old days in Philly, I have become extremely successful - extremely successful at forgetting my mission language that is.

Of course I still speak Spanish and due to some exciting events at work recently, the cat's out of the bag - all the Spanish people at work know that I speak their idioma. BUT I don't study in Spanish, I don't read in Spanish, heck - I don't even pray in Spanish. So to combat this horrible tragedy, I decided to start reading fiction books in Spanish. So far I have read...well, I DECIDED I was going to read already...that doesn't mean I've actually READ anything. I went to the store yesterday to pick up my first book. There was a riveting selection - Catholic religious books, five billion copies of La Santa Biblia, Twilight and two bodice rippers. Need I say that I didn't buy a book?

But...the whole point of this is to say that I realized there are benefits to paying an arm, leg, and a first born child to Provo city in taxes. I get a library card...for FREE! After work tonight (assuming that time will ever come) I am on my way to the library to show off my photo I.D. and get a library card! Then I will have absolutely no excuse for not reading in Spanish.