Thursday, February 26, 2009

HELP!

This is a desperate plea for help! Last night, I got home rather late and found an envelope on the stairs for me. We're going to blame the rest of this story on the fact that I was undoubtedly very tired. :D Well, I opened the envelope and I shall tell you what went through my mind: "Hey, I like how they printed color ink on the vellum paper that they used. And those eyeletz they used, I wonder if they are Zision eyelets and if they used the Silent Setter or if they used the Crop-a-dile. And look, the paper is a double-sided white core heavy cardstock. Oh hey, it's a baby shower for Stacy!" That is definitely backwards and MESSED UP!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

This is a SWEET post!

Okay so the Google ad running on my blog a minute ago said 'Sleepless in Colorado'....call me crazy but wasn't that movie 'Sleepless in Seattle'? Anyway, today I think I shall pen an epic ode to my best friend in the world. The one that I can always rely on in times of need AND in times of great joy and happiness. My one true companion through thick and thin, in sickness and in health - my one true love - SUGAR! :D And in case you didn't know, an ode is a lyric poem usually marked by exaltation of feeling and style, varying length of line, and complexity of stanza forms (consult webster.com for more info...although there isn't any more there...I posted it all here). Well, back to the topic at hand:

Ode to Sugar

This is my ode to sugar
We’re the very best of friends
Been with me since my diapers
Will be with me to Depends

We’ve had Mounds of fun be –Twix-t us
And we’ve seen the Milky Way
Me and my sugar daddy
And our little crème briolette

I like you more than sleeping, sugar
And that’s quite a lot to say
I’d take you over veggies, sweetie
Or a fruit bowl any day.

And so my ode to sugar
From the diapers to Depends
And so my ode to sugar
Well ... finally... it ENDS!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Love is in the air - I'm choking on it!!

Okay so it feels like everyone I know is making 'the announcement' that they are having a baby. Or, if they aren't having a bundle of joy, they are getting married. So I ask myself: Half of my friends are getting a husband. Half of my friends are getting a baby.
What am I getting?
In an effort to console myself, I shall tell you what I am getting: a good nights rest; puke free clothes; peace and quiet; ME time. I am getting an even tan on my left ring finger; friends who are potty trained; sleep...did I mention sleep?; late night parties with non-existent hot guys; freedom to sleep alone whereever I want. I am getting ALL of my money. I am getting tired...

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Is Anyone Listening!?!

Okay, so I was going to write about my new favorite song from Linkin Park but then I realized it was a little heavy for this blog...so then my mind started thinking "Well, this blog DOES belong to ME so it's bound to be heavy..." And I started cracking myself up with all sorts of fat jokes...about my blog of course. You know you're in deep and should seek Personal Trainer help when your BLOG has weight issues!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

What do YUDU?

Okay, so here's my plug for work...Provo Craft just came out with the coolest freaking product on the planet! It's a silk screening machine so you can make your own T-shirts. But you can really make anything you can think of that would fit under the lid of the machine - blankets, pants, bags, hats, shirts, socks, cards, scrapbook pages, small dogs, skateboards, sticky-notes...yeah, that's a good enough list to illustrate my point. I totally am in love with this machine though...that's what I used to make my 'Made in the 80's' shirt...maybe I'll buy a YuDu and make one in every color of the rainbow!!

Here's a link to the demo: http://www.creativexpress.com/nth/index.php?actn=view&id=61&title=CHA%20Winter%202009%20-%20Provo%20Craft

Monday, February 2, 2009

I Am Borg

Okay, so the doctor seems to think that I might have Narcolepsy (probably spelled it wrong. And NO narcolepsy does not only mean that you fall asleep while walking through the mall or having conversations with people...it basically means the switch in the body that tells you when you've had enough sleep is broken so you never feel like you've slept enough). Anyway, they sent me in to the hospital on Friday. I had a fabulous time...I shall enlighten you.

I arrived at the hospital at 7:00 am (and those of you who know me well know how much of a stretch that is...I mean, I usually don't even get UP until 7:00!). The Sleep Lab technicians immediately began writing on my skull with magic marker and then ever so gently scrubbed all five layers of my dermis off (please, insert heavy sarcasm here) on the previously marked locations. Then they took electrical wires, dipped them in extremely sticky paste, stuck them in the dermis-free zones and TAPED them to my head (and hair) with medical tape...yeah, that's gonna come out easy...

After I officially looked like I walked off Star Trek, they hooked all my loose wires into a box, plugged the box into the computer and said 'Sleep!' Okay, so she was nicer than that but it still had the same effect...I laid in the bed thinking "crap, I only have 20 minutes to sleep...and it's probably already been 12! Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep!" (If you've seen Rocket Man you know exactly what I'm talking about...if not, rent it!).

20 minutes later the technician came in and said 'So did you sleep? Did you dream? How long do you think you slept?" The whole time she's asking these questions, I'm thinking to myself "Lady, isn't that what I'm paying YOU to figure out?!"

Oh, but lunch was the best...I volunteered to get a little blood pumping and walk downstairs to have lunch in the cafeteria. Well, it did get my blood pumping - all those freaked out stares people were giving me. What did I learn from this experience? When you look like a freak, you should probably remain confined in your hospital room! That and I now have a lot more sympathy for people with physical imparements.

I was finally released from the hospital with minor welts from the pasty stuff that ate my skin off. So what did I do after my sleep test? I went home and SLEPT! :D