Friday, October 30, 2009

I Finally Look Like I Feel

So today is the day...everyone at work is dressed up for Halloween. Well, the cool people are anyway. :) And I tell you, there are some pretty dang funny costumes. Let me share some with you.
We have your usual number of pirates, skanky dressed girls, witches and dead people. We also have several department themes going on: We have the entire Lord of the Rings cast (complete with an Ent...made from real bark; the guy's like totally a tree!), M&M's, and everyone from Alice in Wonderland. We also have Nascar drivers, some creepy clown people and a few flappers. There is a cavewoman, SuperWoman and how could I forget? Nacho Libre! But my personal favorite would have to be:
Over in Accounts Payable we have an outhouse...Yes, seriously, an outhouse. And if you open her door, you can see the toilet seat and some nice, fluffy toilet paper. She looks so good you'd be tempted to use her...well, if you were in to the whole back woods porta-potty thing instead of the nice, flush toilets down the hall. Oh, but it gets SO much better - her assistant...yeah, well...she's the poop - complete with flies. Oh man do they look hilarious!! I wish I were that creative! I am simply wearing pajamas with my pants tucked into my black socks and my white slippers. And on top of it all is an almost full length, blue, zip-up robe/mumu that I inherited when my Grandmother passed away last year. I ratted my hair and pulled a little bit of it into a messy ponytail with a rad HUGE funky colored scrunchy. And I made sure to put some super dark eyeshadow under my eyes...but the best is the sign on my back: "I finally look like I feel." Should've been an outhouse...that would have been way cooler!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Beware the Bushes

My friend Alaina sent me a text message the other night. She said, and I quote, 'Maybe I shouldn't go on walks alone anymore.' I was already spending the evening with a good friend because her car had been towed and she was having a little melt down. So being keyed to disaster, this text did NOT make me very happy - in fact, I kind of freaked out a little bit. I called Alaina IMMEDIATELY to see what had happened. I was picturing her horrific story about being raped, murdered...okay, well not murdered, but otherwise seriously tortured on her pleasant evening stroll. In an effort to calm my nerves she told me the following story...I hope you find it as entertaining as I did!

She decided to go on an evening walk around the neighborhood. The cul-de-sac just down the street and around the corner happens to be where her romantic interest of the moment lives. So she naturally went walking that direction. Well, as she came to the bottom of the street, she noticed some people pulling into the driveway of said romantic interest. In fear of being seen, she hid in the playground of a nearby park. She waited, and waited, and waited some more until she was sure there was no longer any one there. So she began walking up the cul-de-sac. She reached the top and started back down the other side. Suddenly she saw people in front of the house across the street. She COULD NOT be seen (why? I have NO clue!) but she could not be seen there so she dove into the nearest clump of bushes and waited for the people to leave. Of course they saw her...not looking suspicious at all...and stared at her oddly as they drove away. She was so freaked out by the whole experience that she very quickly ended her walk and headed home. Yeah, SHE was freaked out. Can you imagine what the poor people across the street thought? Creepy! It's like a bad Halloween movie! So please, don't shoot at creepy people hiding in the bushes - it could be my good friends!!

Monday, October 26, 2009

You Know Your a Redneck If...

Your camping trip turns out like mine. :)
I took my brothers on a 'Sibling Retreat' of sorts two weekends ago. We went camping in Bryce Canyon National Park for 4 days. It was great fun. We did, however, run into a few memorable stumbling blocks. Allow me to elaborate:

We brought hot dogs for dinner the first night. We had brought two camp stoves...but not the convenient kind with a cooking surface, just the kind with an open flame shooting out of the top - so we had no way to cook the hot dogs. Fortunately the fire pit had a piece of flat metal across one side so we stuck the stoves under the metal and cooked the dogs on there - thereby saving us from holding our hot dogs by one end while crisping the other end in the open flames...trying desperately to not lose digits to the fire.

While cooking our hot dogs I remembered all the things I had forgotten to bring:
- Flashlight, lantern, glow stick - anything lighted!
- Hot cocoa
- Utensils
- Plates
- Ketchup (don't worry...we hit up the fast food joints for some :))
- Cups of any kind
- Something to boil water for hot cocoa in

So the next morning, with our laundry list of things I had forgotten, we headed to the convenience store just outside the park where a pack of gum costs a year and a half salary, one toe and your first born child. We bought a can of pears...so we could eat them, wash it, and boil water 14 oz at a time in it. Next we picked up some hot cocoa packets. We snagged a few plastic utensils from the fast food section and we were on our way.
We got back to the campsite and realized, much to my dismay and my brothers amusement, that we STILL did not have any cups to drink the hot cocoa in. Nor did we have any light. And to top it off, we had killed the laptop battery watching our Veggie Tales the night before - so we were cold, cup-less, light-less, entertainment-less. But fear not! I was determined to have hot cocoa. We boiled the water in our little tin can and I took a plastic knife to my 6 oz juice box. Twenty-seven minutes later I had sawed the top off that juice box and was ready to make some hot cocoa! Then, of course, Matthew said 'oh, I have scissors. You could have used those!'...

Needless to say we bought souvenirs the third day. Want to guess what they were? You are correct - hot cocoa mugs! There were two very important things that came out of this camping trip: 1) I learned that camping, as basic as it seems, should really be reserved for people with more brain cells than me & 2) my brothers now have license to mock me for the rest of my life...to infinity and beyond!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

I am NOT Addicted!

So I love orange. This isn't a secret....it isn't a sin either right? Let me just tell you how much I love orange before you answer that question though. Wal-Mart (the Great and Abominable) had a fabulous 'back to the stuffy, dark dorm room' sale a few months back. So, naturally I thought it a good time to stock up on some essentials for my new place. The shopping list included:
*Orange Computer stand
*Orange trash can for the downstairs bathroom
*Orange towels - bath towels, hand towels, washclothes
*Orange Dirt Devil 5-in-1 vacuum
*Orange cups
*Orange bowls
*Orange plates
*Orange tupperware
*Orange 18 gallon storage totes
And I think there were a few more orangey things that I am forgetting.
So I thought I had my orange fix for a while....then we went to Bryce Canyon last weekend...I bought another (like my fifth) orange shirt and a sweet, mostly orange Kokopelli mug. Orange you glad you know me!?

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Can I Ride in the Elelator?

Okay, so I know I'm like a month behind on this whole daily blogging thing...I hope no one got their hopes up. I sure didn't. And therefore, I am NOT disappointed that I haven't blogged in forever. :) Anyway, the other day my coworker and I had a little adventure I decided was worth spreading on the internet in an effort to reassure the world of my true hair color...
We had to get a whole bunch of heavy boxes up to the office from out in the warehouse. The only easy way to do that was to load them all in the huge mail cart that was in the warehouse and wheel it to the elevator, unload it in the office, take it back downstairs on the elevator and return it to the warehouse. Well, the first part went well - we loaded, rode the elevator, unloaded and headed back downstairs. I wheeled the mail cart in first and then I got in the elevator. Wendy got in after I did and off we went. When we touched down on the ground floor Wendy got out. I turned the mail cart so I could push it out instead of pulling it and attempted to exit the elevator. Just as I got the mail cart in position in front of me there was a little whooshing sound as the elevator door closed. Wendy was on the outside and I had successfully pinned myself in the corner furthest from the 'Open Door' button thingy. Awesome!
There was now a huge metal mail cart between myself and the exit. I thought for sure Wendy would notice I was not behind her and open the door. But the door didn't open. So I started thinking....'which body parts can I sacrifice to make it over the top of this mail cart so I can push the button?' Or 'I wonder if HR will have an issue with me chilling clausterphobically in the corner for a couple of hours until someone needs the elevator and releases me?' or 'Maybe this is how I was meant to die...makes sense...awkward...alone...trapped by technology...yep, this is how I'm going to die'. My life passed before my eyes - I really tried to block it out, it was rather boring, but it was passing nonetheless before my eyes....
DING!
As the door opened, Wendy was standing there doubled over laughing hysterically. All she had to say was 'well, I HAD to laugh at you before I could let you out!' ... uh huh...she should have left me there...dying in an elevator would have been less embarrassing...plus, it would have made a killer story for my posterity. Wait...