Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Bits and Pieces

Random thoughts for today:


- I hate snow

- I hate driving in snow

- I love that my computer is finally fixed

- I love that the peppermint stick my coworker gave me tasted delightful in my morning cup of cocoa

- I love coming home to this cute little girl every day















Can I just break off from the list of random thoughts and say that in leiu of actually finding a husband and starting a family with adorable babies (which seems to be a perpetual stumbling block for me) - my dog is a pretty great place holder. She feeds herself, she sleeps through the night, I can still dress her in cute little sweaters (though the one in the picture is strictly for warmth - not fashion...I haven't quite crossed that line...yet), and best of all - she's already potty trained. I love this dog! Seriosly - who wouldn't want to come home to that adorable face and her cute little tail wagging excitedly?!

Monday, December 20, 2010

The Virus

So...I know winter is the peak season for colds and viruses and all that yucky stuff - but I didn't think I needed to vaccinate my computer. Friday after lunch I turned on my computer and it obviously had a virus. So...I turned it off and took it to IT, expecting it to be working in a few minutes. I ran a couple of quick errands and came back anticipating it would be all healthy again. Well, IT hadn't even touched it. So, I finally gave up after looking through hair magazines with my boss for an hour and went home.

Nice to start the weekend early? Not really.

Saturday I ran into one of the IT guys at Wal-Mart. He said he didn't fix my computer on Friday but promised he would work on it Monday morning. He broke the horrible news that it wouldn't be ready until at least Monday afternoon.

Nice to sleep in on Monday morning? Not really.

I didn't even get to sleep in. I still had to come in on time this morning (mostly on time that is) - knowing full well I wouldn't be able to get anything done on time and I wouldn't even have my computer back until well into the afternoon. And so, here I sit - doing what tiny amounts of work I can do on my work on my personal computer via Instant Messenger. Fan-freakin-tastic! But hey, at least my computer isn't contagious. Achoo!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

11 Pipers Piping

Today I went home and played with Piper at lunch. Since it was such a nice day, James and I took her outside to play in the yard for a while. For those of you who haven't been to my parents' house, they have 1/2 an acre. Not too big. But the side yard is pretty big. And it's the full 1/2 acre in length. Well, that's where we were playing with the pooch. She followed me down to the far end and James stayed at the other end. He called to her and she came running back toward him - just as fast as she could. But, because her legs are so tiny and her steps don't carry her very far - 'as fast as she could' still took her a full couple of minutes to cross the yard. It was like watching a slow motion clip from a movie where the underdog (no pun intended) is running and you are sitting, riveted, on the edge of your seat hoping and cheering them on. By the time she finally got to him, I was panting and out of breath for her. Watching her run is going to be my new work out - I get tired just thinking about it. That has to count for something, right?

Friday, December 3, 2010

Snips and Snails, and Puppy Dogs Tails

Every little kids dream is to wake up Christmas morning and find a puppy under the tree. Maybe it was the nagging of this unfulfilled childhood dream that spawned this decision, but this is how I become a dog lady. Wednesday afternoon, I gave in to the temptation to look for puppies on KSL.com. This is what I saw:




That face!! How could I resist?! I immediately called the lady and asked if we could come check out this puppy. Now, mind you, I've been vacillating about getting a puppy for over a year - since I moved into my house actually. But, I've had a million good reasons to avoid making that giant leap. But when we finally arrived at a random house in north Layton, Matthew and I anxiously went inside to meet this little girl. As soon as she brought her out - it was all over. She was so much cuter than her picture! And such a sweetheart! No barking or yapping, she just put her paws in Matt's jacket and snuggled up against him. He was smitten. I could see it all over his face. And...honestly, so was I. So, meet Piper - the newest member of the Cox Clan. She's hilarious so I'm warning you in advance, there may be several posts (with lots more pictures) about this dog coming soon!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Pop! Goes the Tire!

So, last night I thought I was awesome. I was driving on I-15. I was heading to Provo to pick up my visiting teaching companion and be an awesome visiting teacher. I was almost late but had just enough time to be only fashionably late. Thinking I was awesome was my first mistake. Taking I-15 in the middle of road construction was my second.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, I hit a crater in the middle of the road. Thankfully it was less eventful than in the movies - and though my teeth chattered and my hair went whipping with the force of impact, my car came out of the crater in one piece and did not launch itself violently into the other lanes of traffic. But, shortly thereafter, my poor little car started hobbling along like a broken old man. It wobbled and lurched and sputtered and shook violently.

I was conveniently located a good distance from the next exit, so in keeping with the spirit of a broken old man, I pulled into the right lane and drove 20 MPH with my flashers on. If you were stuck behind a moron going 20 on the freeway at approximately 8:36 pm last night - yeah, that was me. We hobbled our way to the exit and pulled into the gas station where I realized that the passengers side door seemed significantly further off the ground than my own door. I called my Mom who wrangled my Dad into the car and they came heroically to my aid - in the middle of my Mom's favorite TV shows, in the middle of the night, in the middle of the freezing weather.

I stood helplessly as I watched my 50-some-odd-year-old parents change my tire. At one point, my Mom even lifted the car by herself. Sure, I stood by her and tried to lift, but I'm pretty sure the only person doing anything was her. Maybe it was just her motherly instinct, but after last night, I am thoroughly convinced that my Mom and Dad are really superheroes masquerading as my parents. And, after all these years of struggling and fighting to be 'independent', I finally realize just how truly dependent I am on them. Thanks Mom and Dad for always coming to my rescue. And thanks for being mine!

Monday, November 15, 2010

The Death of a Phone

Today I came to the stark realization that just because you can use a cell phone, doesn't mean you are qualified to work for the cell phone company. Reason:

My phone died on Friday. Saturday I went to the T-Mobile store to see if they could help me out. It wouldn't charge and it wouldn't turn on correctly. So, I figured my battery was probably just bad. They gave me a new SIM card - that didn't fix the problem. So, the girl told me to call T-Mobile and they should send me a replacement because my phone was less than a year old. I wanted to say -HOW am I supposed to call them? MY PHONE IS DEAD! I did ask what number I was supposed to call - I am sure some people memorize random useless customer service phone numbers just for fun ... but I have better things to do with my spare time and three brain cells. I also asked her if she was sure all of my contacts were transferred to the new SIM card. She was obviously annoyed as she gave me the number and said that either my contacts were on the SIM card or my phone. Thanks, that's helpful.


Well, I called T-Mobile. Of course they can't replace it - I'm just a peon on a gigantic corporate account and I'm 'not authorized' to replace my own dead phone.


So, I waited until I came to work. I submitted the request for a new phone. I got a 'loaner' phone from HR until the new one arrives. I put my SIM card in the 'loaner' and found that all my contacts were not on my SIM card. So, I drove BACK to the T-Mobile store to ask her if she could pull my contacts (all 237 of them) off my dead phone and put them on the SIM card. I didn't ask this because I didn't know HOW to transfer them from Phone to SIM - but because MY PHONE WAS DEAD and I couldn't do it myself. She was like, "well, if your phone won't turn on, then there's nothing I can do for you." She gave me some crap about finding a computer and checking their website to see if maybe possibly my contacts might have been saved to an online account which I cannot access because, again, I am a peon and I'm 'not authorized' to do so! I finally said...."Could you maybe try another battery and see if it will turn on?"


To which she almost exasperatedly said, "You mean you haven't tried another battery?" How do you respond to that? "Oh my gosh! I totally forgot that I have like six spare batteries in my drawer at home. Why didn't I totally think to do that before? You are the smartest person ever! For sure!" Duh! They seriously need to do something about their hiring standards.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Smooth Move. Ex-lax!

Is it bad that I'm still snickering to myself that my coworker just told us her daughter wants to get monogrammed M & M's for her wedding and the initials of the bride + the groom = BM?

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

HCG FREE!

Okay, I've officially been off the HCG diet for 9 days. And oh what a liberating 9 days it has been! The whole world is full of endless caloric possibilities. In fact, right this minute I am basking in the goodness of cookies for breakfast. So, from the sugar saturated seat I now fill - here is my take on the HCG diet.

The Bad...and The Ugly:
1. Thanks to HCG, I am now hyper aware of how much protein I am NOT eating every day, how much water I am NOT drinking every day, how few fruits and veggies I eat on a regular day and how ridiculous my carb and sugar intakes are. I feel healthier - don't you?

2. Again thanks to HCG, every time I eat something that should fill me with joy, happiness and a positive outlook on life - I get sick. Sometimes I get violently ill...sometimes only a little queasy. But either way, this diet has robbed me of my culinary best friend - sugar! (Yes, I will be paying for my cookies for breakfast soon enough).

3. For me, it was totally beyond not worth it. Extreme starvation promises extreme weight loss - I just starved. I'm still waiting for that promised weight loss.

The Good:
1. Being hyper aware of what is going into my body has made it a lot easier to consistently choose more healthy food and make sure my diet stays more well balanced than before (well, except the occasional slip...like my cookies :)).

2. Even though I lament the loss of my comfort foods - perhaps getting sick when I eat sugar isn't such a bad thing. It is definitely a deterrent.

3. The HCG diet makes exercise look good. It's sad when something is so bad it can make exercise look desirable. But this diet definitely does . I can either starve....or I can eat what I want and exercise. The latter is so much more appealing these days (though...don't be fooled. Just because it SOUNDS more appealing doesn't mean I actually do it.)

But by all means, don't be discouraged by my less than optimistic view. My co-workers seem to have fallen in love with the diet. They are all back on it again. But part of me, though eating cookies for breakfast is not the norm, is grateful that I CAN eat cookies for breakfast if I want them. And that...that is epic.

Monday, October 18, 2010

You Might be on HCG If...

If this list isn't wildly hilarious to you...you've probably never 1) been on the HCG diet or 2) been around someone who is for an extended period of time. Just sayin.

10. Binging means eating an extra Melba Toast
9. You begin each day discussing how much of a ‘loser’ you are
8. Your worst enemy is that dang water bottle
7. The highlight of your afternoon is apple time
6. You spend more time with the restroom than you do with your family
5. You weigh everything before you eat it
4. Your daydreams involve peanut butter and white bread
3. You have spent three weeks planning your ‘first meal’
2. You…must…eat….lunch…at exactly 12:00!
And Finally…
1. You are delighted every time you….well, we all know what

Friday, October 15, 2010

I'm Delighted!

Okay, so I have to warn you - this post is not young, innocent child friendly. So, if you fall into that category. Stop reading now and go back to your happy place. If not, read on.

The day that I started the HCG diet, one of my co-workers, who is kind of a lifer on this diet (she does it....breaks the diet....starts over....breaks the diet....and so the cycle continues) sent me the HCG diet e-book. So, of course I read it. Well, in the course of reading it...this is what I found:


"An excess of water keeps the feces soft, and that is very important in the obese,
who commonly suffer from constipation and a spastic colon. While a patient is
under treatment we never permit the use of any kind of laxative taken by mouth.
We explain that owing to the restricted diet it is perfectly satisfactory and normal to
have an evacuation of the bowel only once every three to four days and that,
provided plenty of fluids are taken, this never leads to any disturbance."

Well, that is surely an overshare. But here is where it gets really good:

"Patients who observe this rule find that after treatment they have a
perfectly normal bowel action and this delights many of them almost as much as
their loss of weight
."

Seriously?!?! Why would you EVER write that in ANY book for ANY reason?! Needless to say, my coworkers have turned it into the interoffice joke. At least once a day, as someone returns from a visit to the restroom, someone else asks - in a mocking tone while clapping their hands excitedly - 'Ooh. Are you delighted?!' As crude and rude and workplace inappropriate as it may be...it is absolutely hysterical. Are you delighted?

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

The Break Up

Here is part 2 of the HCG weekend saga:

I had been so good all weekend. I didn't cheat on the diet once. But Sunday night, I just couldn't take it anymore. Too many people with too many good things to eat. So, I decided I wanted to have some chocolate chips. They are semi-sweet - so that's better than it could be, right?
Well, I went into the kitchen and proudly declared that I was going to eat them. Big mistake. Matthew grabbed my arms and restrained me from getting the bag. Then, when I did get the bag, he wrestled with me - but, my mad craze for chocolate made me stronger than ten men and I won. I happily grabbed a huge handful and put them in a napkin so I could enjoy my much needed splurge.
Then James saw me. He tackled me to the couch. And he is NOT a small child. My strength turned to weakness as his ridiculously strong arms bested me. As he pried the luscious chocolate pieces from my tightly clenched fist, I cried out, 'NO!!!! I NEED them! I NEED them!' To which my Mother, through her laughter, replied, 'This is intervention'. I responded, 'I don't need intervention. I NEED chocolate!'
But, alas, my pleas didn't save my chocolate. They did, however, result in James standing as a bodyguard betwixt me and the kitchen for the rest of the evening. I'm sure the kitchen felt safer even though I didn't.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Reruns

So, this past weekend, I had some rather entertaining experiences - I am blaming them entirely on the carb-starved state of my brain. Entirely! Here is part 1:

Sunday night we were watching an older movie. We started watching the previews and reminiscing about movies from the 90's. Then an ad came on for an old TV show like 90210. It said is was going to start airing every Wednesday night at 6:30. So I started ragging on it, saying things like 'Why are they bringing this TV show back? They don't even have a new cast. At least the new 90210 has a different cast. This one isn't even different. It's like they're just running reruns of the old show. That's so dumb. Why would they even do that?'
It was about that time that I realized that I was ragging on an outdated, movie preview - not a live commercial. Somehow between the previous preview and the current preview I had completely forgotten that we were even watching a movie. I don't think weight is the only thing I've lost on this diet!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

HCG and Me

Ok, I admit it. I jumped on the bandwagon of the HCG diet ... exactly 14 days ago. Yes, I am painfully aware of EXACTLY how long I have been on this thing. It was a peer pressure induced decision really. Everyone at work was going on the diet and frankly, I felt left out. It hasn't been nearly as hard or miserable as I envisioned. But putting my take of the diet aside, here's a story to illistrate what happens when your brain isn't getting nearly enough carbs.

On Tuesday, I was walking to a meeting and heard someone walking quickly behind me. So I moved to the side so they could pass and turned around just to see who it was. There wasn't anyone there. "Ok" I thought, "They probably just turned and went to their desk. No big deal." So, I started walking again. And I heard the footsteps again. I turned to see who was behind me and again, no one. This time I stopped. I looked around several times and waited for the person to come up behind me again. No footsteps.

Slowly, I started forward. Then I heard them. But then I also realized what 'they' were. The dangly thing on my jacket was rythmically slapping against my leg with each step I took. The sound it made was pretty dang close to footsteps. I wonder what that scene looked like from Heaven? And since The Lord can hear my thoughts at the same time that He is watching this little paranoid display...I'm sure He got a good laugh out of it. My boss sure did. And that's how I followed myself down the hall.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Watch Your Step!

Last Friday night a group of friends went to the Brad Paisley concert at the Usana Ampitheater. I used to love country music. I used to love Brad Paisley. Used to would be the operative phrase there. My friend asked me to go and though I don't love Brad Paisley or country music anymore, I do love my friend. So I went. Everything was good until it got dark and cold and darker and colder. Cold is not my friend. So, I decided to sit down and wrap up in a blanket to get warm.

It was mostly working and though I looked asleep - I was mostly comfortable. Then, out of the blue, some drunk guy totally stepped on me!!! And then he bent over to apologize and he fell on top of me! Totally awkward. Finally he got up and walked away. But he left me there in some serious pain! It was kind of ironic though - we had been watching him and making snide remarks about him before he was drunk...he was totally a player. Maybe that was his way to get back at us for our less than charitable comments.

Either way - I decided this was the perfect opportunity to make a break for my warm car and enjoy (if you can use that word) the rest of the concert in warmth and comfort. I realized just before putting my shoe on that the open waterbottle that had been resting in it was now obliterated by my new inebriated friend. I tipped it and a water gushed out. Nice.

Thankfully, after slosh-hobbling to my car, the heater dried out my shoe and my ankle was only a swollen beauty for a few days. I'll bring an air horn next time. Although, that could make things worse ... not sure what happens when you scare a drunk, but it sounds dangerous!

Monday, September 27, 2010

You Should Name Him Ralph!

Okay, so this post is a little past due but hopefully it's awesomeness will make up for it's tardiness. That always seemed to work for me in high school. :) Today marks the two week anniversary of a very momentous occasion. Two weeks ago James, my younger brother, and a friend of ours went to the State Fair. I love the State Fair. And I love going with my brothers. We ride all of the rides...well, except the very scary ones. We eat way too much food and probably laugh too much. Our friend was a welcome addition to our festivities.

We started the night with the usual fabulous food. Then we wandered for a minute to let everything settle before taking on the rides. We started at the far end of the park and worked our way toward our favorite end where all the really good rides are. We finally made it over there and anxiously waited in line to ride the Tilt-a-whirl, our friends' favorite ride. We started out well - strategically placing us in the car according to body weight so we could acheive maximum spin. Mid-way through the ride, I realized our friend was not laughing but instead cupping her hand over her mouth. Thankfully the ride ended and though she had to run furiously to the garbage can to throw up - she made it through the ride. That was a close one.

She decided that since it was her favorite ride and there was now no danger of a repeat ralphing as her stomach was empty - we should take on the Tilt-a-whirl again. So we enthusiastically got in the car and were ready for a fabulous adventure. We were twirling and whirling and then again I realized my friend was not laughing. But this time...it wasn't so lucky. Her hand just wasn't enough. And yep, you guessed it - she puked all over her lap and all down my leg.

Now at this point there was some serious Divine intervention. I am getting sick just typing this story. So living through it, I'm not exactly sure how I didn't lose it all over the innocent carnival ride. But I didn't. But I think I may leave the carnival riding to the standard tradition of just me + brothers. Just sayin.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

The People at Work

Sadly, my coworkers brother passed away last week. Though expected and anticipated - death is never welcome. Understandably, she took the rest of the week off. My boss and I (okay, so really just my boss - though I supported the idea 100%) decided to send her some flowers to express our condolences. She called and ordered the flowers and left them a message to add to the card - pretty standard proceedure.
Well, on the way to lunch Friday, another coworker asked if we had sent flowers to Stacy. We said yes and then questioned why she was asking. She said she talked to Stacy the day before just to see how she was holding up and Stacy said she had received a beautiful boquet of flowers but the card was simply signed from "The people at work".
Obviously Stacy was a little confused as there are a LOT of 'people at work' and she wasn't quite sure which people the card was referring to. We got a great laugh out of it. James, one of the 'people at work' said he will forever sign his cards like that. "From the person who is your husband" or "From the person who is your son". I think that is a great idea! And, I think maybe the 'people at the flowershop' were not native English speakers...

Well, I hope you all have a great day!
From,
The person who is your friend

Monday, August 2, 2010

Runnin', Runnin', Runnin', Runnin'

My dear roommate Melissa decided to start running every morning. I decided I should feel morally obligated to run with her. This is how that worked out for me last week.

Monday morning I was going to run with her. The alarm went off....so I turned it off and went back to sleep. Monday night I went to the store and bought new clothes so I had no excuse not to go running with her in the morning. I was totally pumped and completely motivated. I was even going to bed early! Then she broke the sad news to me....she was only running Monday, Wednesday and Friday. So...I slept in the next morning.

Wednesday ... the alarm went off. My motivation rolled over and went back to sleep...so I followed it's example.

Thursday... I was totally pumped to go running again... but it wasn't a running day, so I slept in.
Thursday night I bought a five-hour energy shot (which I have never taken before) so I could take it when the alarm went off at 6:15 and I was sure I would be pacing at the door by the time Melissa was ready to go running.

Friday morning...the alarm went off. I don't even really remember turning off the alarm and going back to sleep. I just remember waking up much later than the time Melissa left to go running.

So, I have come to two conclusions: 1- I hate running. I REALLY hate running because 2- even subconsciously I am trying to sabotage my exercise efforts!

Friday, July 30, 2010

Little Man Syndrome

I know I've talked about the Yudu machine from Provo Craft before - well, someone just called into the Yudu infomercial line with the greatest story about the Yudu I think I've ever heard.

Apparently, their parents were happily camping when a bear came into camp and was going to attack them. Well, their brave little chihuahua jumped in and attacked the bear back. Then the chihuahua managed to scare the bear away. So now, these people are using their Yudu machine to make t-shirts to help them raise money to pay the medical bills for the chihuahua that is in the pet hospital.

Is it terribly sick and twisted that I think that is hilarious?! If this dog is anything like my neighbor's chihuahua, which totally has little man (or little dog) syndrome...then, I could totally see why it thought it could take on a bear. I am just amazed that it didn't get squished! I totally want a t-shirt with some random chihuahua on it that says something fantastic like 'The chihuahua that defeated the bear!'

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Rebel Without a Cause

So....I almost got arrested last night. Why, you ask? Because I was walking home. Seriously! I was talking to a great friend on the phone and decided to go for a walk around my block. Well, the block by my house isn't really a block - it's like a never-ending maze. I live by the railroad tracks...that means there aren't roads where there should be roads!

I walked for a while and got sick of looking for a non-existent road where I could cross the tracks. I could see my street from where I was standing and thought 'Well, it's just right there! I'll just walk across the tracks and catch that little road over there on the other side.'

Needless to say, as soon as I started walking across the tracks, I heard someone yell "Hey!". I turned around and there was a cop hanging out his window and driving toward me. Now, my first instinct told me to run. I did not, however, heed that primal instinct. I ever so calmly told my friend I was afraid our conversation had reached it's end, hung up and started walking back toward the cop car.

The first thing he said was 'What part of No Trespassing don't you understand?!'. I honestly hadn't even seen any No Trespassing signs...that's what I get for staring at my feet and talking on the phone. He pointed around to a few of the posted signs....sure enough...there were tons of them! And they were HUGE! I thought to myself, "Oh, yeah...THOSE signs. Those HUGE signs right in front of my face that I totally didn't see....how the heck did I miss those?!" But what came out of my mouth was, "oh. Sorry."

Thankfully I have my concealed weapons permit - that makes Cops nice to you cuz they think your on the same team as them (well, so they say anyway...). It sure worked this time. He looked at my license, said "You have your concealed weapons permit? Well, have a nice night." Then he let me walk away, all unarrested.

And that would be how I almost spent a night in the slammer. I wonder what they would have classified that as if I had called in to work from the prison this morning - it's not a sick day...it's not a floating holiday (though, that may be the most applicable) and it's definitely not a vacation...hmm...I am going to have to ask my boss about that ... for future reference.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Best Job EVA!

Oh my heck! I quite possibly...most probably...definitely have THE BEST JOB EVER! I can't even do it justice. I need a video link to adequately illistrate how amazing my job is. And it's all because of my awesome coworkers. This is a synopsis of my day so far:

First thing this morning I got a meeting invite. It was to officially invite me to join the office in doing the Macarena at precisely 3:30 this afternoon. And...in case we didn't know how to do the Macarena, there was a link to a great instructional video...here's the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlzwuFkn88U

This invite was quickly followed by this email from the meeting coordinator:
"Please keep in mind…that declining is not an option and those responses will be deleted."

Next came an email from a coworker with this question:
"Can we all wear belly shirts like the girl in the video?"

Then, my boss jumped in:
"I’ll bring a pair of scissors and we can all cut the bottom half of our shirts off. Thanks for coordinating this team building activity!"

Another coworker added:
"And I think we should add a pool of guacamole."

Sadly, the belly shirts were vetoed. And no one ever got the guacamole. But at 3:27 I was tasked with finding the original (or as my coworker said, 'the one that the old guys sing!) version of the Macarena to play. Then, turning my poor little laptop up as loud as it would go, we marched to the appointed meeting place and pressed play. Heads popped over cubicles, and people started to drift over. But we had to stop the music and festivities because another coworker was on a phone call (with her boss ironically. And he asked 'Are you in the office?').

But don't you fear - that didn't deter us. We went around the corner to someone's cube and started it over. Everyone who was there started dancing. Three clap and turns into the song, my coworker (they shall all remain nameless) ... started bustin a move. She was ridin' a donkey. Then she grabbed the edge of the cube and started acting like she was pole dancing. Oh man! My boss' boss came out of her office because all of us were laughing so hard we could breathe! We were seriously all crying we were laughing so hard. It was hilarious! It's funnier if you actually know these awesome coworkers - but I definitely think this stands alone in it's unparalleled awesomeness without knowing them! Yeah, definitely have the best job ever!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

If You're Going to Say it Wrong, Get it Right!

So I went to lunch on Saturday with my Aunt and my Mom ... and a few other people, but they were the key players. Several people at the table started talking about their cell phones -what kind they had, whether they liked that model, etc. when my Aunt piped up and said, 'Yeah, I just got a new Blueberry!'

Amidst the laughter that naturally ensued, she said "That's what happens when the Bluetooth and the Blackberry mate.'

And then, a few minutes later, my Mom says, in all seriousness, 'We HAVE to go to the store tonight - we're all out of Mondays!' Pretty sure she meant milk ... pretty sure she didn't say milk. Pretty sure it was dang funny! I'm also pretty sure I'm going to sound just like them when I grow up!

Thursday, May 27, 2010

I Herd You

So imagine, you walk into the ten stall restroom at work and realize you are completely and utterly alone. This for me is a moment when there is 'much rejoicing'. I definitely appreciate solitude and privacy - especially in certain aspects of life...this being one of them. Soon the door opens and an unidentifiable coworker enters the room. Out of the nine remaining, totally empty, completely usable stalls...she goes in to the stall RIGHT next to you.
Living proof that humans are definitely mammals - we have this, sometimes insurmountable, need to be with our herd, our pack, our flock...well, I guess that's fowl. But it WAS fowl that she used the stall right next to me! Lame. Tomorrow I'll bring caution tape and tape off the surrounding area. Although I'm not sure the unidentifiable coworker would be able to use the restroom then. She might have to go back and get a buddy.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Runner Without Shoes

So...I recently came to a realization about myself. I...I am a runner. No, I don't own any fancy running shoes - in fact, I run better in my regular, every day shoes. No, I haven't spent an unreasonable amount on running clothes to reduce friction and help me run faster - in fact, I run better in my regular, every day clothes. I didn't buy an Ipod and Earbuds to run with - I can run without music. I never pictured myself as a runner. Most people I know wouldn't say they picture me as a runner. But I am definitely a runner. I run - I run from men. I run from commitment. I run from stable, promising relationships.
As soon as they make 'the move' or we have 'the talk' - I bolt. I thought for sure this time would be different. But it appears I am getting too good at running...too used to it. Maybe subconsciously I get some sort of satisfaction...a 'runners high', if you will. It doesn't really matter why I run ... I just do. And I have to find a way to stop running ... ... ...

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Just In Case I Forget

Okay, can I first just say that I LOVE my job and my coworkers! I started a new job four weeks ago and I am lovin' it! Illustration:
Today was my coworker Sara's birthday. When I first started working there, we all had a conversation about birthdays...mine happened to be the weekend after I started working there.

Well, my other coworker forgot it was Sara's birthday today. Sara reminded her and her apologetic response to being reminded was to turn to me and say 'That means we forgot your birthday! Your birthday was before Sara's!' To which I responded, 'Yeah, but my birthday was like a month ago.' They all 'oh yeah'ed and then, my coworker Stacy randomly says, 'Well, Happy Birthday anyway. And Merry Christmas too - just in case I forget.'

So, Merry Christmas everyone - just in case I forget.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Day 2 in the Great Big Scary World

At the risk of losing my reputation for being heartless, I am taking a serious moment. THANK YOU to all of you. I have received phone calls, texts, emails, Facebook posts and support from a dozen other technologies. I am overwhelmed by all the wonderful friends I have! I will never deserve you or your kindness! But I am SO grateful for it! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

No Floundering Single-Adult Left Behind Act

Last night I sent my Austi off to the big scary world of...well, her parents house. No, she is going into the MTC this afternoon and since I don't fall into the 'We share the same blood' category, I don't get to see her again before she goes in. Being the one to go on a mission wasn't so bad. But being the one who gets left behind - well, that really sucks! It means when I go home tonight, I will be totally, utterly, hopelessly alone. I HATE being alone. It also means my brain is kinda short-circuiting right now...trying to find a way to not succumb to the dark abyss of loneliness and hermitage looming on my doorstep. Here are some of my more proactive options:
My 'freaking-out-because-I-hate-being-alone' side is compelling me to make a poorly thought out decision to buy a puppy. Which will surely end in soiled carpets; drooled on, chewed on furniture and a large number of friends who might not come to visit me anymore.
My 'I'm-not-quite-sure-how-to-live-without-Austi-anymore' side says that mortality ought to have a switch. I can switch to angel mode while she is gone and go with her on her mission as her trusty guardian angel, then simply switch back to alive and well mode when she comes home. Too bad the decision to morph into angel mode is...well...irreversable.
And then there's the 'Let's-be-rational-and-deal-with-this-like-a-big-kid' side...I don't know what it's telling me to do. Whatever it's saying, I am not listening. In fact, I never listen. I usually act like a three-year-old with my hands over my ears, singing at the top of my lungs and taunting 'I can't hear you!'
I think I'll resort to my usual method of combating hard things: pretend they don't exist and maybe they'll go away. If I pretend she isn't gone long enough, she won't be! :) Yep, sounds like a good plan to me.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

"Best Sleep You Ever Got With a Cold" Medicine

So last Saturday....yes, I know, it's almost Saturday again. But last Saturday I had a little...adventure. I was not in the most stellar condition. I had been fighting a raging head cold and sinus infection all week long and just couldn't seem to kick it. I woke up coughing my guts out at 7:30ish and decided to go take some cough medicine so I could sleep a little longer. Problem: The only cough medicine I had in my house was PM - you know, the super drowsy don't operate heavy machinery after taking this medicine...ever...PM (Yes, Austi - that hyperexaggeration was just for you. :)). Solution: Take it anyway. How bad could it be?

Coughing adequately suppressed, I went back to bed for a few more hours. Upon waking up, I realized I didn't have my cell phone. I ran to the door to look for it in my car. But it was raining and I was wearing slippers. So I ran back up the stairs, feeling more than a little drugged, and grabbed my sandals. I was hurrying back downstairs with my sandals. I was totally focused on my goal and totally focused on not falling over. Consequently, I turned too sharply and ran into the corner of the doorway into the kitchen. This is NOT an uncommon practice with me and walls. But the wall spoke! It blurted 'Ah!' - like it was surprised I had run into it! I screamed at the top of my lungs, absolutely scared to death and leapt away from the doorway! As I leapt, I also registered...the wall...well, the wall was actually my roommate Austi. And I had just screamed like a little girl and tried to run away from her. The good news is I think I laughed so hard I got most of that blasted cough syrup out of my system. No more Nyquil for me! No, seriously - NO MORE!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

The Ugly Tree

For those of you who instantly recognized the title of this post - I am warning you that this will be a repeat...a very, dreadful repeat. But I decided it is time to bring this story out of the woodwork ... Not so much for my own benefit, but to console friends and aquaintences in their epic, lip-locked struggles. I also decided, that all first kisses should be horrible, awful and highly traumatic. Why? Because horrible, awful and highly traumatic first kisses = HIGHLY entertaining stories for posterity! Anyway, here it goes.

It was my first year at Utah State. I was, yes I admit it, I was the LAST and lingering VL in my apartment. And while I was stubbornly and proudly clinging to that title, along came John. I could tell he really liked me (which should always be the first clue there is something seriously wrong with a man). So I let him take me out on a couple of dates. On our second or third date, it was pretty obvious that he wanted to kiss me. Unfortunately for him, I was not yet resigned to that fate. He drove out to the lake (reservoir, whatever that small body of water in Logan is called) and we took a nice evening stroll out to the dock. He leaned against the railing and put his arms around me. Should've been romantic huh? More like frantic actually. He asked me what I was thinking about and I said something lame like 'Baseball'. So we parried for a while - he asked, I dodged. Finally, he got annoyed and we walked back to the car and drove back to the apartment building. But when we got there, he didn't get out. He looked at the clock and said 'I better get you home before midnight or I will turn into a frog and you'll have to kiss me to get me back.' At this point I had resigned myself to my cruel fate and though my conscience was screaming 'NO!!!!' I responded with something like, 'Why do we have to wait until then?' Of course, that unleashed the beast. He kissed me. He, feeling pretty proud of himself I am sure, asked how it was and I said, without thinking (obviously) 'I don't know. I might need to practice.' Well, needless to say that was his cue. And he kissed me and he kissed me and he kissed me...and I sat, eyes wide open, thinking 'Can I go home now?... I think I just heard a cow.... Wow, that tree is really ugly... No, seriously, that is an ugly tree!'

He finally came up for air, I finally got to go home, and the ugly tree finally got recognized for it's iconic place in my personal history! It's still there, that ugly tree, though thankfully stalker John is not!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

I Have Issues! I Have Gas!

Last week I almost had a heart attack. I got my Sinclair gas card bill in the mail. It said my owed balance was over $300! But my panic was short-lived. I noticed that my previous balance of $220 had carried over onto the current bill. I paid the previous balance, but obviously not before the new bill was printed. So, I placed the bill on my desk, feeling rather relieved, and forgot about it.
Today at work I got a voice message from Connie at Sinclair Oil telling me that I had a past-due, outstanding balance and she was calling to collect payment for it. Puzzled, I called her back and explained that she was wrong. I had already paid it. I even have a confirmation number from paying on their website. I told her I would call her back when I got home and could find the confirmation number. But, being the patient person I am, I immediately checked my bank statement to see if I could figure the problem out.
Sure enough, I found the charge for $220 on the day I told her I had paid it. It was definitely a payment made to the gas company for my gas bill ... it was just paid to the WRONG gas company for the WRONG gas bill. :0 Yes, in my effort to be a responsible procrastinator and pay my bill at midnight the day it was due, I managed to pay Questar Gas $220 for a not-yet-issued-not-nearly-that-expensive gas bill. Now I have a $135 credit on my Questar Gas account and I had to swallow my pride and call Connie at Sinclair Oil back and tell her....she was right.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Potty Humor

So I just went downstairs to get a drink and took a pit stop in the potty. And when I went to grab some toilet paper, out of the corner of my eye I noticed what looked like a couple of big splotches of blood on the toilet paper dispenser. AHHH! I recoiled in disgust. Then I turned to take a closer look. No, they weren't blood spots. They were dang fall leaf stickers! I guess that's what I get for working at a scrapbook empire. I'd say it scared the crap out of me, but that might be an overshare. :)

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

I'll Show You Physical!

Today was my annual dose of public humiliation cleverly disguised as a physical. For those of you who have been subjected to one of the only remaining legal forms of torture, you will know exactly what I am talking about. However, if you have somehow through Divine intervention managed to escape the horrible, life-scarring experience, I simply have nothing to say to you. And, if you are getting a little embarrassed - you should probably stop reading now.

I woke up in a good mood - 'til I remembered. I went to the doctors office -
alone. I waited - insides writhing in horrid anticipation. They called my name - I followed the cute little friendly nurse to the torture chamber. And so it began. And even though my doctor tried to make pleasant conversation, even though she acted truly interested in my occupation and all the other boring details of my boring life, and EVEN though the cute, friendly nurse said she really liked my orange toe nails...my dignity and self-respect are nonetheless smeared all over the inside of a PAP jar.