Skip to main content

I'm Delighted!

Okay, so I have to warn you - this post is not young, innocent child friendly. So, if you fall into that category. Stop reading now and go back to your happy place. If not, read on.

The day that I started the HCG diet, one of my co-workers, who is kind of a lifer on this diet (she does it....breaks the diet....starts over....breaks the diet....and so the cycle continues) sent me the HCG diet e-book. So, of course I read it. Well, in the course of reading it...this is what I found:


"An excess of water keeps the feces soft, and that is very important in the obese,
who commonly suffer from constipation and a spastic colon. While a patient is
under treatment we never permit the use of any kind of laxative taken by mouth.
We explain that owing to the restricted diet it is perfectly satisfactory and normal to
have an evacuation of the bowel only once every three to four days and that,
provided plenty of fluids are taken, this never leads to any disturbance."

Well, that is surely an overshare. But here is where it gets really good:

"Patients who observe this rule find that after treatment they have a
perfectly normal bowel action and this delights many of them almost as much as
their loss of weight
."

Seriously?!?! Why would you EVER write that in ANY book for ANY reason?! Needless to say, my coworkers have turned it into the interoffice joke. At least once a day, as someone returns from a visit to the restroom, someone else asks - in a mocking tone while clapping their hands excitedly - 'Ooh. Are you delighted?!' As crude and rude and workplace inappropriate as it may be...it is absolutely hysterical. Are you delighted?

Comments

kris said…
I read that in the book and thought it was gross. I am starting today- wish me luck!!
Baby Sister said…
Hahahaha. That is awesome!! And totally awkward. :)
Must-Ash said…
So gross, but so funny. Oddly enough, though, I've had conversations about the struggles and delights of bowel movements with many boys and find it perfectly acceptable to have this printed in a book.
Jessica said…
Bah hah ha! So, if that's as delightful as losing weight, why bother with the weight loss? Just eat regularly and enjoy regular bowel movements! That's right, I just wrote "bowel movements" on the world wide web. Here's lookin' at you posterity...

Popular posts from this blog

The First Two Weeks

Monday: I love school. Tuesday: Just hang in there, it will be worth it in the end. Wednesday: I don't love school anymore. Thursday: I must be crazy to be doing this. I'm pretty sure I'm going to die. Find a happy place. Move to happy place and forget school. Friday: Ooh - it's Friday! No classes. That's a happy place. Sunday: Last week wasn't SO bad. I can do this. I love school. Yep. That about sums it up.

Suprise! I'm Getting Married!

Stories are great. And everyone seems especially interested in this one. So, here it is. We were supposed to go to the gym Tuesday for lunch. But I got a text 20 minutes before he showed up saying he wanted to talk instead. Immediately my stomach sunk. I just knew he was going to break up with me or something horrible like that. Well, he picked me up and we started driving - I had no idea where we were going until we turned up the road by the Timpanogos temple. Then I thought - 'There are only two reasons we would be going to the temple. 1) He is going to propose or 2) He is going to break up with me and knows I can't kill him if he does it on temple grounds.' I'm morbid - I know. We got out and sat on the grass and I had to remind him he wanted to talk. He was like, 'Oh yeah. I almost forgot.' Nerd. So he started talking about our first date and the first time he knew he wanted to be with me and the things he loved about me. Then he started talking about ho...

Runner Without Shoes

So...I recently came to a realization about myself. I...I am a runner. No, I don't own any fancy running shoes - in fact, I run better in my regular, every day shoes. No, I haven't spent an unreasonable amount on running clothes to reduce friction and help me run faster - in fact, I run better in my regular, every day clothes. I didn't buy an Ipod and Earbuds to run with - I can run without music. I never pictured myself as a runner. Most people I know wouldn't say they picture me as a runner. But I am definitely a runner. I run - I run from men. I run from commitment. I run from stable, promising relationships. As soon as they make 'the move' or we have 'the talk' - I bolt. I thought for sure this time would be different. But it appears I am getting too good at running...too used to it. Maybe subconsciously I get some sort of satisfaction...a 'runners high', if you will. It doesn't really matter why I run ... I just do. And I have to find ...